Goodbye, My Old Friend

My heart is broken. When I was in high school, I could escape the perils of the world by stealing off to my room, putting on the headphones and George would take me to a new world, where all norms were challenged and things were looked at in a different light. "Why is it that you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway"? "Snot's funny. The original rubber cement, ya know. Ya can't get rid of it." "What do dogs do on their day off? They can't lie around. That's their job." We slayed the same demons. "Names. They mean something. For instance, you wouldn't buy Goodyear pancakes. No one wants those. You wouldn't want Aunt Jemima tires for the same reason. If Janitor in a Drum made a douche, nobody'd buy it." My life is much less rich. "Football is a ground acquisition game. You beat the shit out of 11 guys and take their land away from them. 'Course you only do it 10 yards at a time. That's the way we handled the Indians, right? First down in Pennsylvania, Midwest to go." I feel like I have lost a member of my family. "Did you ever notice that your own farts smell OK?" "It's just exhaust. We're not perfected yet." "You know you really like your neighbor or your partner when you're willing to fart out loud." I feel I have known George since the days of Burns and Carlin. "Woody Hayes is weird. He wears a baseball hat during football games. Can you imagine if Walter Alston wore a football helmet during a baseball game? They'd take him away in a wire truck." He helped me get through life. "The language of football and baseball tells it all. Football is technological. Baseball is pastoral. Football is played on an enclosed grid. Baseball is played on an ever-widening diamond reaching into infinity. In football you have the hit, clip, block, crackback, the tackle, the blitz, the bomb, the offense, the defense. In baseball, you have the sacrifice." Another one gone. "In New York subways, it's a $50 fine for spitting. Vomiting is free."

George Carlin 1937-2008 Good bye, my friend and companion. I pray for your family.

Here's his best work in years..



My favorite Carlin bit. The difference between baseball and football



Goodbye Wally Lando. Thanks for all the laughter.