Friday, June 26, 2009

A Good Friday Read


Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so... love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Stunned


The biggest music story since the Lennon murder and the story that will overwhelm us for the next few weeks. Maybe, the most recognizable face on the planet. Along with Elvis and The Beatles, Michael Jackson influenced not only music but culture. MTV was never the same after him, his dance moves and ground breaking videos paved the way for a completely new generation of performers. KY 102 in Kansas City played "Beat It", over the tumultuous objections of the masses. We would have never ever considered any other artist of that pop genre. I started listening to him and his brothers in the summer of 1970. "The Love You Save" blasted out over the crackling AM radio waves from cities far away. Then "ABC", "I'll Be There", "Never Can Say Goodbye" and "Ben' From 1972 to 1979, his career didn't shine so brightly. In 1979, "Off the Wall" was about as good as it got. It got better in 1982. "Thriller" has sold 45,000,000 copies and is one of the best selling albums of all time. He released "Bad" and then it all went south. Constant surgeries, weirdness and charges of child molestation tarnished all he accomplished and made him seem down right creepy. Like Van Gogh, he crossed the fence from being crazy to a genius consistently. I could not ever imagine growing up like that, having been pushed and manipulated to an exponential degree. We wonder why he was "eccentric".
I feel more bummed and sad than I thought I would. Yes, I know he's been accused of some heinous crimes. He was one of the more strange men on the planet. He was also quite the performer. I saw him and his brothers at Arrowhead in 1984. They were all about one inch tall, that's how far away the seats were. I'll never forget that night because it was the first night of the reunion tour. I brought my niece and a friend's daughter. They squealed.
From Elvis, to The Beatles, to Michael Jackson. This is one of those moments in your life that you will remember exactly where you were when you heard the news. I was prepping for the show when the local sales manager said .."you won't need any show prep, Michael Jackson just died." I tried to get it confirmed before I went on the air. TMZ had it, no one else. I interviewed the author of "Etta", a story of Etta Place, the girlfriend of The Sundance Kid, played a game, talked about what a weird day it was, then at about 5:27, it broke on the national news and I announced it. Still find it difficult to comprehend. Someone somewhere today put it like this: "The only thing that can eclipse the strangeness of the last 20 years of his life...was the pure genius that was Off The Wall and Thriller."
Amen.

One of my favorite songs by him:

Rivendale Institute


Here is the website for the Rivendale Institute that was featured on Wednesday's show.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

This is very creative

New Rules of the Universe

Rules of the Universe
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
12. Men are from earth. Women are from earth.. Deal with it. Embrace your differences. Love each other.
13. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
14. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
15. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
16. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.
17. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
18. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
19. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
20. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
21. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
22. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
23. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
24. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
25. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
26. You should not confuse your career with your life.
27. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
28. Never lick a steak knife.
29. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
30. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
31. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
32. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
33. Your friends love you anyway.
34. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
35. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

Thanks, Ed

For being a decent guy and a great interview. I invited you into my home every night and you never took it for granted. Your interviews were fun and you had the best laugh of just about anyone I know. Now, you are Johnny's sidekick again, and if you could say so, I'll bet you'd say it's a pretty sweet gig. You got "it" and this old radio dog says you were a pleasure to have in my bedroom every night... "Hyoooooo" indeed. Thanks for the intro to the show, too. So you and Phil Hartman are trading...."you are correct sir...yes!" aren't you?

Ick.

Case Closed

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine
, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ....... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A:
Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach..

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?
HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'


AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Back In The Saddle

This is post number 1532. Hard to believe that in about four years, I've posted this many times. It would make a great movie, huh?
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Lucas Glover? Lucas Glover? Nice to see someone other than Tiger or Phil win it. I know how to play golf, but that's about it. If you give me golf on TV, I'll give you a nap. Nothing knocks me out faster than golf or baseball on TV.
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Speaking of baseball (see how this all fits together, that's called a segue, kids), I think I am witnessing one of the truly great players of all time. If Albert Pujols keeps this up, he'll have most (if not all) the records by the time he's done. My parents swore that Stan was the man. Gibby was my guy, but I don't see how Albert can get much better. 24 homers and it's still June.
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Finally, I'm becoming much more comfortable in the studio and I'm reacting without thinking about what to do. Radio, like most sports (and sex) is about timing and if you think about the shot before you take it (I can't think of a sexual metaphor), it's too late. Had one of the better shows today. It was fun.
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I saw Karen Valentine on TV last night for the first time in about 20 years. When I was younger and just learning about the opposite sex, she was one person I had a mad crush on. I was going to marry her when I was twelve. She was going to find me in Ava and I was going to make her incredibly happy. Dana Delany was also on last night, another woman who has aged very well.
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If you could have a do over in your life, what would yours be? I know what mine would have been. The one that got away would have never gotten away. Don't get me wrong, I have a wonderful family and have been blessed with great kids, but there's always that one certain someone that you never get over. Ever. And in one of the twists of fate that Bob Dylan wrote about is that she lives in Springfield with her husband and four kids. Of all of the places in this country, we all ended up here. While the memory is bittersweet, God has been good to her and that's all I have ever prayed about. She has a great life. So do I.
Cue Dan Fogeleberg:
Every morning you wake up alone
And you shake up your soul
But nothing stirs
So you take the love of whoever you please
But you can't find no reason for giving yours.

'Cause, once upon a time
You held a love so strong and fine
That all the others simply don't compare
She's always on your mind, but once upon a time
You had her there.

Drive into town 'most every night
On the chance that there might be someone waiting for you
You tell yourself you'll give it your best
Maybe settle for less but you never do.

'Cause, once upon a time
You held a love so strong and fine
That all the others simply don't compare
She's always on your mind
But once upon a time you had her there.

The Glass Houses Line Comes Into Play Here...

Barack Obama Jib Jab Video

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