Saturday, December 23, 2006
...so what else is new?
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply
alternate meanings for common words.
The winners are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
And the pick of the literature:
16. Ignoranus (n): (1) A person who's both stupid and an asshole;
What a past three weeks. Learning new software, finding a place to live, being comfortable while on the air, figuring out where you are, not being able to exercise much...these are the pratfalls of hitting the ground running right before the holidays. I love the gig, I hate the distance but it all works out. On Wednesday, I got there at 9 am and worked till 11:15 that night. I loved it. Had an awesome time. One hurdle is down, I now have a place. It's a "mother in law" quarters under the house of a woman and her daughter. I think it will be great; if you notice on the map, it's in the McCabe Park area of town. 3.5 miles from work, and definately rideable on a bike. Nice view of the "Nashville Skyline" on the way in. So, hopefully after the first, a routine sets in and it all feels better.
My muchos huevos gracias thanks to my compadre, Mario "Flamboogo" Martinez who has been gracious enough to allow me to crash at his place. I haven't crashed anywhere in years.
Kudos to my friend Brad O who has landed on his feet after being blasted out of Wilks Broadcasting in KC. He went across the street and found a gig. Good for him.
What's up with my friend Jay? You left me hangin', bro. Johnny Horton sings a song for you this holiday season.
My favorite "non traditional" Christmas songs include
"Easier Said Than Done" -Jon Anderson
"2000 Miles" -The Pretenders
"Peace In Our Time" -Eddie Money
"Do They Know It's Christmas" -Band Aid
"Merry Christmas, Baby" -Bruce Springsteen
It's the Saturday before Christmas, I am finished with my shopping and so what do I do? Watchin these videos. It features one of my all time favorite players and a Titan. The Oliver McColl boxing match is unreal.
Enjoy this treat if you like.
What the hell is wrong with you people? 30,000 hits in less than a year? Go to the library, walk your dog, do something.
30,000 hits in less than a year?
What can I say?
Glad someone likes reading this crap.
Back in St. Louis for a rest. Will post a ton of junk later.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
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