Saturday, September 23, 2006

For My Radio Friends

Top row left to right: Tommy Edwards, Larry Lujack, Brant Miller.
Bottom Row left to right: Jeff Davis, Turi Ryder, Fred Winston
WLS circa 1984

You were in radio before 1970 if you...

Remember Joe Pyne and "Mooo-tual News!"
Threw away the transcription disk players to put in Tapecaster cart machines.
Can name the Conelrad frequencies...or even remember what Conelrad was.
Worked at a campus radio station that used carrier current transmission...on AM.
Managed to pass your "third phone" and took meter readings every thirty minutes during your on-air shift...or at least faked them.
Think Wolfman Jack or Clint Eastwood in "Play Misty for Me" is the greatest jock of all time.
Can name the first record you played by Elvis or The Beatles.
Wouldn't put a song on the air if it had "damn" or "hell" in the lyrics.
Got your start in the biz doing anything that had to be done at a daytime AM in Bum****, Egypt.
Bleeped out spots for Martini and Rossi vermouth during network newscasts because the station was located in a "dry" county.
Had an opening and closing theme song for your show.
Know what Don Imus did before WFAN and CNBC.
Carried a rate card with only two for thirties, one for sixties.
Got your first real job in radio on a classical music FM with a total audience of six people.
Know who Arthur Godfrey was...and probably ran board for his show somewhere.
Worked at a station where somebody who got fired loosened the bolts on the tower guy wires.
Scratched up tracks on an LP or a "B" side with a screwdriver so your jocks couldn't "accidentally" play them on the air.
Quoted ratings from Pulse and Hooper.
Stopped "spinnin' the hits" to join CBS News at the top of the hour.
Worked at a station where the weekend guy was always named Johnny Holiday and the night jock was named Dan Dark so the jingles didn't have to be changed when they ultimately got canned.
Got your on-air "chops" practicing in the production room after midnight.
Brought records from home to play on your show.
Got "hot-lined" by the owner...or the owner's wife.
Ever tried to hoist your station banner to the top of the competitor's tower.
Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on reel-to-reel tape.
Had a show on the air that didn't fit the station's format at all...just because some sponsor had been buying that slot for years.
Air-checked your show on the big Ampex in the production room.
Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found some of them selling spots for the competition.

You were in radio before 1980 if you...

Ever had a client tell you that rock or country music would never make it on FM...and had an owner or GM who agreed.
Did a promotion to give away FM car-radio converters.
Put a quarter on a tone arm so it wouldn't jump off a warped demo 45 you just had to play...and it was the only copy the station got.
Could remember the intro time and the color of the record label on every song you played...but couldn't recite any of the lyrics except the first and last lines.
Know what PAMS were.
Ever sped up the turntable to get more songs in during an hour and to make the competition sound "draggy."
Worked at a campus radio station that was on FM but ran less than ten watts of power.
Started a 45 at 33 1/3 or vice versa...and didn't notice because you were on the phone with a listener of the opposite sex.
Air-checked your show on a boombox beneath the console.
Ever interviewed an artist on the air who was too stoned to be coherent.
Wouldn't put a song on the air that had any of George Carlin's famous words in it...but pretty much anything else went.
Sent an aircheck to a prospective employer on a cassette swiped from the sales office or newsroom.
Worked at a station that had a newsroom!
Can remember the first record you played by The Doors or Janis Joplin or the Allman Brothers.
Got your start in the biz running preacher tapes on Sunday morning.
Think either Scott Shannon or that guy in the movie "FM" is the greatest jock of all time.
Accidentally let a listener say something obscene on the air because you didn't really have a delay.
Got your on-air "chops" doing a 3 AM-to-5:30 AM shift for minimum wage.
Worked at a station where somebody got fired and, on his way out, ran a magnet up and down the commercial-cart rack.
Got "hot-lined" by the PD.
Had a customized jingle with your name in it.
Once pretended to (or maybe really did) smoke a joint on the air.
Got your first real job in radio...doing mid-days on an AM easy-listening station with a total audience of six folks.
Took a trip to a "showcase" at record company expense and never actually got around to hearing the label's act perform.
Worked the overnight shift and had to wake up the morning guy (who was sleeping off a bender on the lobby couch) so he could do his show.
Arranged to meet people of the opposite sex that you talked to on the request line, but some place where you could see them before they could see you.
Did a remote with a mic amp and a pair of alligator clips connected to the telephone mouthpiece.
Included the words "FM Stereo" as part of your legal ID.
Watched your music director put colored dots on each record shuck to tell you which category they belonged in.
Never worked for a station that was not actually licensed to the city where the studio was located.
Paid money for air checks of Don Imus, Don Steele, Cousin Brucie, Laryy Lujack, Fred Winston or other big market jocks so you could emulate their style.
Assumed that syndication meant "King Biscuit Flower Hour" and "Earth News."
Tried to look up your old on-air staff and found them working for an FM station somewhere.

Friday, September 22, 2006

Cool Pictures From The Shuttle

A very clear night over North America

The Swiss Alps.


Newsflash for Neil Young fans

Neil Young is finally ready to roll out releases from his long-rumored "Archives Performance" series. First up is "Live at the Fillmore East 1970," due Nov. 14 via Reprise. The album features six as-yet-unannounced selections from Crazy Horse's March 6-7 runs at the New York venue, at a time when late guitarist Danny Whitten was still a member of the band.

"Fillmore" will also be available in a CD/DVD edition featuring a high-resolution audio mix, photos from the show, Young's handwritten song lyrics and press articles from the era.

In addition to core members Whitten, Billy Talbot (bass) and Ralph Molina (drums), the four shows found Crazy Horse augmented by producer Jack Nitzsche on electric piano. Among the songs featured in the set lists were "On the Way Home," " Broken Arrow ," "Cinnamon Girl," "Cowgirl in the Sand" and "Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere."


1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and Eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits
forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden.
However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask
The score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and
only when it's free.

11: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

12: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

13: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem. You didn't see anything.

14: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledg e of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

15: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

16: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

17: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

18: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

19: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set, and we can hit the showers!

20: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing:
i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

21 : Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang
up if necessary.

22: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty
Is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion
occurs about what a big mistake it was.

23: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

24: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, or

25: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?"
with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

26: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition of each is listed below:

"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"

"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Manlaws, Ltd.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Clean Bill Of Health

Never have four words sounded so sweet. Thank you for all you prayers and karma. Until the next thing comes along...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Also On This Day...

Steve Goodman died in 1984. How weird that I found a picture of him and Jim Croce in the same article. My blog on him is from here...

The Ten Dirtiest Names in Sport

Uh, yeah, these guys made the list.

33 Years Ago Today...

Jim Croce died along with his guitar player Maury Muehleisen. I know exactly where I was when I heard the news. I was working at the Owens gas station on 10th Ave in East Moline when the man came on the radio and told me he died in a plane crash. It was a day much like this one. Clear,a bit cool and crisp. Man, I really liked that guy. In every interview I ever saw, in every song I ever heard, I thought he was the real deal. Great lyrics, wonderful songs, great family man and a guy I really miss. His biggest song was released after his death "Time In A Bottle". I still think it's one of the greatest songs ever. And what would "Oldies Radio" be without "Bad Bad Leroy Brown" and "You Don't Mess Around With Jim"?
Here are some of my other favorites...
"And I Remember Her"
Which Way Are You Goin?
Tomorrow's Gonna Be A Better Day,
Photographs And Memories
Operator(this song used to tear me up, what an incredible piece of music)
It Doesn't Have to Be This Way
Alabama Rain
I'll Have To Say A Love You In A Song
I Got A Name(my favorite song of his)
The Hard Way Every Time
Workin At The Car Wash Blues
Godspeed, Jim Croce. Another guy I want to shake hands with if I ever get to heaven.
Born: January 10, 1943 - Philadelphia, PA
Died: September 20, 1973 - Natchitoches, LA
February 19, 1974 - Favorite Male Artist - Pop/Rock
American Music Awards (Posthumous)
May 30, 1990 - Inducted into Songwriters Hall Of Fame

The official Jim Croce website

Monday, September 18, 2006

Foir My Friends Tuirning 50...

To all of my friends that have hit the big 50 or are about to..

Perhaps it is the approaching autumn or maybe just the mind set of middle age. But these days when I drive around, I often find myself looking in the rear-view mirror. I think that's why I occasionally lose my way.
But the view to the back seems so much more pleasant than what's coming at me through the windshield. I figure looking back is worth the occasional detour it causes.
In my rear-view mirror, I might see my now-grown daughters as little kids, circa 1986, strapped in their car seats. I might see my wife in, say, 1979 sticking out her lip at me, pouting and making a face because I asked her to sit in the back seat so my best friend could sit up front with me.
In the rear-view mirror, I can see my sons as little boys, covered in grass stains and dirt, singing along with Arlo Guthrie on "Alice's Restaurant" coming home from the annual family Thanksgiving football game.
There's my father-in-law back there, doing some serious back-seat driving; my son-in-law as I brought him home from basic training; my dad teaching me, the 16-year-old, how to drive.
In my rear-view mirror, with some extra effort, I can see myself at 35, speeding down the interstate through the mountains towards Florida, smoking a cigar at full-moon midnight, listening to Credence on the tape deck while all around me my family sleeps, dreaming of DisneyWorld.
I take comfort from what has happened behind me, the rear-view mirror version of my life. Although my perspective of my life ahead changes with every passing mile, the road behind me is set, fixed in history. The fact that I cannot change it is reassuring. I know took a wrong turn here and there, but I also know I always followed the path that I thought best at the time. That's all I could do. I'm happy with how things have turned out so far. It has been a nice drive.
What is up ahead, what I see through the windshield, is not nearly so comforting. The road is not familiar. It's not clearly marked. It twists and turns. There always seems to be some kind of bad weather on the horizon, and I'm definitely not happy about that red "Check Engine" light on the dash. The sun's setting, and I'll need headlights. I'm not confident I can navigate this road.
And by the way, where am I headed anyway?
When I started on this trip, I never looked in the rear-view mirror. The road seemed straight, the sun was shining and the windshield was clean. The few turns in the road were marked, and there always were helpful people to give me directions when I got lost. I didn't know where I was going, but I didn't care. Pedal to the metal, brother, and get out of the way.
But now the car's got some miles on it. The windshield's dirty, and the glare from the headlights of oncoming traffic is a killer. Who wouldn't prefer looking out the back?
And yet, comforting as it may be, I realize it's impossible to drive if all I do is look in the rear-view mirror. I realize that, in the last few miles, if I hadn't been looking behind, I could have avoided a few potholes. And other drivers are starting to ask me for guidance, and they're getting impatient. I don't want to let them down.
I've got a granddaughter, whose name will be Grace, due to arrive in November. No matter the distance or the grime on the windshield; I can see her absolutely clearly. She'll be in back, strapped into a car seat in, say, 2009, out for an ice cream with her grandpa.
Not a bad view. A saving Grace.
Thank you so very much.....

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