Thursday, March 12, 2009

New Stock Market Terms

CEO-Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET -A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET -a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING -The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO-The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER-What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR-Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST-Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT-When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION -The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW -The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO-What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS-What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR-Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT-an archaic word no longer in use.
# # # # #
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines
one year ago, you will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG
one year ago, you will have $33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers
one year ago, you will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer
one year ago, drank all the beer,
then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund,
you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan
is to drink heavily & recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
thanks KK

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