Happiness is Just Around The Bend

Am I happy?
Someone asked me that a couple of days ago and I had to stop and think.
What is happy? Is it the same as content? I guess you can be content without being happy. Not sure you can be happy without contentment.
I have being chasing money for the last 12 years now, working my way through this sales job and that sales job only to find I'm not as good of a salesman as I thought.
I can lead a team to greatness though.
Maybe the old saying..."those who can, do and those who can't, teach... but I don't believe that either.
Growing up as the adult child of an alcoholic, we're not quite sure what happiness is and when we find it, we're so shocked, we start planning to get rid of the happiness.
We're not comfortable there, we have NO business being happy, we're not worthy of it.
After splitting with my wife of 28 years, I stumbled around the wilderness. Going from this job to that one, trying to find peace through the pursuit of money.
That pursuit somehow led me to Morris Illinois. A fine midwest town far enough away from Chicago, but yet close enough to touch it.
I worked (and made a good living) for people who wanted to know what I did every minute (no, make that second) of the day.
If my day was not filled out to the inth degree, I got a call from the owner.
I worked for one of the soulless, heartless people I have ever seen. My job was to hire, train and mentor new sales people. In the four months I was there we didn't hire anyone, due to the reluctance of the owner to bring anyone new on.
I was sold a bill of goods.
When I got there, the line was..."well, we will hire someone, but we want you go out and get new business during the meantime."
What? A long haired stranger was going to go out and get new business from people in a small town that he's never met? Seriously?
I told them how I thought that was going to play out. I went about doing my work and found that, yes, people really don't want to do business from someone they don't know. As time went on, I got very depressed.
I was fucked here. I knew it and so did they.
It came to a head on the 70th anniversary of my brother's birth. It was raining and nasty and, in an attempt to be "transparent" (their favorite word), I said something to my boss about it being a bad day, but I was sure I could find people to see.
Fifteen minutes later the owner and his son texted me that they were heading to Morris and would like to talk to me.
Twenty minutes later, I texted Tess and told her I thought I was going to be fired.
"No way", she said, "why?"
It was a true premonition.
Under the guise of "this isn't a good fit", I was relieved of my duties.
99% of the time, I am a professional who doesn't burn bridges. Not this time.
I told them exactly what I thought of them and their business practices.
That weekend Tess and I did fun things.
We visited my kids and grandkids in the Quad Cities, we spent a day in Chicago, going to the museum, getting Chicago pizza, going to a dive bar (a story from that is coming soon), meeting great people in the bar, then going to see Fleetwood Mac. On Sunday, we spent most of the day at Starved Rock State Park, just getting out boots muddy.
She saved the weekend.
In the meantime, an old friend reached out to me and asked if I was happy.
Certainly not.
In one serendipitous email, my life changed dramatically.
He offered me a chance to run a 100,000 watt radio station halfway between KC and Columbia. I had known about Power 97 since my good friend the late Ken Dillon did mornings there 20 years ago.
Under one condition he said.
"I need you here by Monday"
Wait a minute, it was Monday. He wants me there in a week? I have a three bedroom house to pack up and move. "I'll throw in some help money wise if you can do it."
So, on Tuesday I drove to Sedalia, and found a place.
On Wednesday and Thursday I packed the house. On Friday, I loaded the truck (by myself), on Saturday, the cat and I hopped into the front seat, drove 382 miles, and arrived in just enough time for me to unload just my bedding so I could sleep. News of an impending storm got me out of bed early and I unloaded the rest of the truck by noon.
Eureka!
What a challenge but I did it!
In Sedalia in less than a week.
The new job is incredible.
I have the complete trust of my owner to "fix" his station.
This is what I do, what I've been trained to do and I am now doing it for basically no money but maybe that was the problem all along. Instead of doing what I loved, I was distracted chasing change.
Am I happy?
I don't know, but this sure feels good. I have a place within five blocks of the station. I hardly ever drive my car and I'm at the station for about 10 hours a day, doing what I love.
Happy? Dunno, but I'll take it.