My All Time Raley Baseball Team

Baseball goes back a long time in my family. My mother and father honeymooned at Sportsmen's Park in the forties. Cardinal fans, all of them. I remember days and nights pent on the farm, holding on to the AM radio, providing an antenna to pick up KMOX. One of my favorite memories is taking a road trip with my uncle Dick and discussing the finer points of baseball while looking at my 1967 Cardinal yearbook when I was about 13. Since the entries of this blog have been a bit maudlin lately, I thought I would put together my top five baseball guys.

Number one Bob Gibson

The baddest mofo to take the pitcher's mound. I always wanted to do radio like he pitched. No prisoners and if you diss me, I will knock you down. I wonder how many times he would have plunked guys like Barry Bonds. No question that this guy is my all time favorite and I don't imagine a scenario where he wouldn't be. I drove from the Quad Cities to Busch Stadium in 1975 because it was "Bob Gibson" day. They gave him an RV. I couldn't belive there were seats left.

Number twoRoberto Clemente

To me, Roberto Clemente was a man's man. He was tough as nails on the diamond and no one ran faster than he did going from first to third. Charlie Hustle before Pete Rose copped the nick name. He died in a plane crash delivering medical supplies to earthquake victims in Nicaragua on New Years eve. He had just gotten his 3,000th hit. If I go to heaven, he's the first guy I want to meet (after Jesus, of course).

Number threeGeorge Brett

The greatest hitter I have ever seen. I remember in 1984 when my sister and her family came to KC, we were all at the game and I said to her "wouldn't it be great if he hit one out?" 20 seconds later he did just that. I remember being at the game in 1980 where he stood on second base arms pumped becasue he had just sent his average over the .400 mark in September. I drove to Cooperstown in New York to see George Brett inducted into the baseball Hall of Fame. He is Royals baseball.

Number FourNolan Ryan

Robert DeNiro, and Al Pacino all rolled into one baseball player. This is my favorite picture of him. He hit Robin Ventura with a pitch and Robin charged the mound. Oops. Big mistake. Nolan grabbed him in a headlock and procede to punch the hell out of him. 7 no hitters. All time strikeout leader. First player to make a million bucks in a year. Bad ass dude. He was inducted in the HOF the same year as George Brett. Excellent speech.

Number fiveOrlando Cepeda

"Cha-Cha". The 1967 Cardinals are still my favorite team. I still can recite the starting lineup by position and wnere they batted. This guy was the catalyst and the man. He arrived that year from the Giants and he just made baseball sound and look (the once a month the games were televised)fun. He called them "El Birdos" and this young punk kid was such a fan. He was inducted the year I went to Cooperstown also, so you can see why I drove from here to Cooperstwon and back for 6 hours of intense heat.

Honorable mention Willie McGee, Ozzie Smith, Bud Black, Robin Yount, Willie McCovey, Frank White and Albert Pujols.

Religions...this is so true

The kindergarten teacher asked the students in her class to
bring something related to their families' religions to
class the next day.

She asked for volunteers to show what they had brought to
the rest of the class. One boy came forward and said, "I am
Muslim, and this is my prayer rug."

Another child came forward and said, "I am Jewish, and this
is my Star of David."

Another came forward and said, "I am Catholic, and this is
my Rosary."

The last little boy came forward and said, "I am Southern
Baptist, and this is my Covered Dish."

The Five Comedians Who Had it Then Lost It...

And let me add a sixth...

George Carlin. In his day, there was no one funnier with words or observations, but now, he seems just pissed off and angry. I guess losing your wife will do that for you but, when I look back at the people who influenced me more than most, George and his recollections (baseball/football) and his performances ("Wonderful wino") will be the ones that stay with me, not the angry, bitter, mean crap that he is spewing out now.

Anyway, here's the list:

Thanks for asking...

The surgery went well. I have staples in my throat now and apparently, they will stay in for ever. I should be fun at airports. What I had was a "diverticulum flap" that can be cancerous. Hopefully, mine is not. Morphine is fun, isn't it? I don't even remember much of yesterday or last night and that is probably good. I know that at 3:30am, I am not sleeping because of all of the crap plugged in to me and the IV drip keeps buzzing. So, I am listening to my Ipod, flipping through the channels. Weird. Thanks to all who have asked.

It's Just The Way It Is

Last week, I sent a follow up email for a job I was really interested in. You guys think I am making it up how shitty it can be out here, here is the exchange of emails only the names have been changed to protect the innocent (or guilty).

Mr. XXXX,
I was just checking in, it has been a while. I know that you all are taking you time to fill your XX position, but I just wanted to keep my name fresh in your mind. I would drop what I am doing here in St. Louis for an opportunity to "come home" and be the next head guy in XXXXXXX. I have a fresh audition if you need it and I am available to come down and see you in person, if you so desire. Just wanted to refresh your memory (I am sure you have been swamped), I am a former consultant, programmer in Kansas City, Operations Manager in Lincoln Nebraska and I grew up in XXX. Thanks for your time, sir and I hope to hear from you soon.
All my best,
Randy Raley
314-XXXXXXXX


and then he sends me this.....


Randy,
Thank you for your note, hwever, you are not in consideration for the position.
Sorry.
RXXX

This shit is getting to be too funny.

Did I Hear Correctly?

While watching Monday Night Football last night, I have come to grips with the fact that the NFL has become the National Thug League. You can't just make a tackle anymore, you have to stand and preen, kick dirt or do some dance after tackling someone who just ran for a fifteen yard gain. Now, after having surgery yesterday, I was pretty doped up listening and watching to the three clowns on ESPN. And I thought they said that the Chargers were sending a message to their brother Steve Foley and that they were hoping and praying for him. Here's the story on Steve Foley....


Steve Foley, an outside linebacker for the San Diego Chargers, was shot over the weekend by an off-duty police officer. Steve Foley's agent, David Levine, said Foley was shot three times and had surgery for wounds to his leg, arm and chest.
Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer said Foley's injuries were not life-threatening. Schottenheimer said he did not know whether Foley would miss any time on the playing field as a result.
“The only thing we're thinking about is to make sure he is well,” Schottenheimer said. “Beyond that, it's not appropriate in my view to comment.”
AP reports that Sheriff's officials said the early-morning shooting occurred after the off-duty Coronado police officer followed a suspected drunken driver weaving in and out of freeway traffic at speeds up to 90 mph.
The wire service details a bizarre incident where Foley stopped three times, sheriff's officials said.
During one of the stops, Lisa Gaut, a passenger in the vehicle, yelled at the officer, authorities said. The shooting occurred after Foley got out of the vehicle near his home and began walking toward the officer, sheriff's officials said. Gaut got behind the wheel and drove next to Foley in the direction of the officer, the officials said.
The officer identified himself, authorities said, and warned Foley he was armed. They said he fired a warning shot, at which point Gaut steered the car at the officer.
"The officer fired two rounds at the vehicle," sheriff's Lt. Dennis Brugos said. "The male then came at the officer and put his right hand by his waistband and the officer fired at him."
It is unknown whether any charges will be filed against Foley.
His female companion, Lisa Maree Gaut, 25, was booked into Las Colinas jail yesterday afternoon on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol, according to the Sheriff's Department, reports the San Diego Union Tribune,
After several incidents in Cincinnati in 1999 and 2000, where he played for the Bengals, Foley was enrolled in an NFL alcohol program.
Foley was also arrested April 21 after police said he scuffled with officers. The district attorney's office is not pursuing charges against Foley in that incident.

Now, there is an honorable guy, huh? Yeah. And they did a dance for him after making a tackle. How nice. Steve Foley seems to be a persecuted guy, alright. He just can't seem to keep his hands off cops or quit driving drunk. I used to really like watching football, but if I see one more guy dance and prance over his fallen opponent, I am going to puke. The worst part of this story is that there may not be any charges filed. If this guy was me, I 'd be dead.

Why Is This Man Smiling?

This man is the new chairman of Ford Motor Company. He just picked up a check for 18.5 million dollars for signing his name. I wonder how the unemployed workers at the Hazelwood plant feel about this? Here is a suggestion for the big wigs at Ford. Design and build dependable cars that Americans actually want to buy. That might go a long way in getting your balance into the black. Other wise, no matter how much money you throw at your CEO, Toyota will still eat your lunch. Why? Their cars are smart looking, dependable and get a ton of gas mileage. Pretty easy if you ask me. But you didn't. Good luck with that, Ford. And you, too mister CEO.

Guitar Solos

How about some fun, huh? Seems it's been awhile. I was talking to a friend of mine and he brought us the fact that somewhere the Brits decided that the best guitar solo ever was David Gilmour's nasty, filthy solo in "Comfortably Numb" I couldn't argue, but then it got me thinking hmmmmm.....

My top twenty guitar solos* (in no particular order)....

"Still Got The Blues" by Gary Moore. This guys never got the respect he deserves. A monster guitar player that fronted Thin Lizzy for awhile and released "Still Got The Blues" in 1991. It was my favorite release that year.

"Johnny B. Goode" by Chuck Berry. Could this have been the first guitar solo ever? This is the foundation and the blueprint for a rock song. Chuck ruled.

"Couldn't Stand The Weather" by Stevie Ray Vaughn. He was sloppy but very few played with the passion and downright fervor than this guy. Playing this song in a band was a real thrill for me, Steve Pecaro's version pales only slightly.

"Since I've Been Loving You" by Jimmy Page. I could have included "Stairway To Heaven" but that's too easy. This is Jimmy at his darkest, bluesiest and his best work (I think).

"Then Came The Last Days Of May" by Buck Dharma (Blue Oyster Cult). This solo is just tasty and one of my all time favorites. Reminds me of high school and tokin in my late cousin's bedroom. (Sorry, Jess)

"Aqualung" by Martin Barre. Ian Anderson once said that this was the angriest piece of noise he had ever been a part of. This solo ranks with the best of all time. The high point of this legendary band.

"While My Guitar Gently Weeps" by Eric Clapton (Beatles). Ever heard a guitar cry? Was Eric ever better than this? George knew what he was doing when he asked Eric to do this majestic piece of work.

"Kid Charlemagne" by Larry Carlton (Steely Dan). I could have picked "My Old School" or "Reeling In The Years" but as far as tasty, sweet and to the point, this solo by one of my favorite guitar players is as close to perfect as you can get.

"Jessica" By Dickey Betts (Allman Brothers).Is there such a thing as a happy solo? This song makes me smile whenever I hear it. Dickey may have done better solos ("Blue Sky") but I really like the feel of this.

"Comfortably Numb" by David Gilmour (Pink Floyd). Alan Parsons kind of ruined this for me when he told me it was different pieces put together but the whole finished product just kicks ass.

"Highway Star" by Richie Blackmore (Deep Purple). How many times have I played this on my air guitar and nailed it? Thousands. This was the best band in the world at this time.

"Can't You Hear Me Knockin'?" by Keith Richards (Rolling Stones) Keith was never higher...er, I mean better than this album. Sloppy, funky and right on.

"Sultans of Swing" by Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits). Still, to this day, I get goosebumps hearing this workout. The solo was way too short, this song should be two minutes longer.

"Savannah Woman" by Tommy Bolin. Another one that's way too short. He's just getting warmed up on this before the song fades out. Kind of a funky, flamenco flavor that reminds me of a hot Latino woman. Underrated and overlooked guitar player.

"Eruption" by Eddie Van Halen. 'nuff said.

"Hotel California" by Joe Walsh and Don Felder (The Eagles). More of a duet than a solo, but a classic song and it wouldn't have the power without this. Joe was a great addition to this band.

"Intro/Sweet Jane" by Steve Hunter and Dick Wagner (Lou Reed).Maybe one of the best live recordings ever. Another great duet. At this time, Lou Reed was a great live act and his band was a top notch, first rate outfit.

"All Along The Watchtower" Dave Mason and Jimi Hendrix. OK, I cheated. Dave Mason played acoustic guitar on the original and his version just smokes. Jimi's version was very understated and showed he had polish when he wanted to.

"Europa" by Carlos Santana. A six minute solo. After this song, you just want to say..."oh baby"

"Cause We've Ended As Lovers" by Jeff Beck. This makes me cry. What style and grace by one of the greatest players ever. "Blow by Blow" contains a ton of these great stylish solos.

"Summertime" by Dave Edmunds (Love Sculpture). Before Dave was a pop artist, he played wicked blues. Gershwin is still spinning in his grave.

Honorable mention "Goodbye To Love" by the Carpenters (shaddup!) Joey Peluso cooks on this. "Stranglehold" by Ted Nugent, "Too Rolling Stoned" by Robin Trower, "Cliffs of Dover" by Eric Johnson, "The Thrill Is Gone" B. B. King, "Like A Hurricane", Neil Young, "Wire", U2. By popular demand, let's add these, too..."War Pigs", Toni Iommi (Black Sabbath), "Black Napkins" by Frank Zappa and "Still In Love With You" Brian Gorham (Thin Lizzy)
* Only one solo by a particular artist allowed, no jazz, hey, it's my list, make your own...

Yikes! Crikey, even!

Not again....

I hate hospitals...no really, I hate hospitals. The smell, the sounds. My dad died in a hospital 29 years ago yesterday. My mom died in a hospital. The smell makes me vomit. On Monday at 7:30am, I get cut on again. Shit. Apparently, I have a growth on the inside of my esophogus that needs to come out. Piss, damn, shit. The next thing you know I'll have more scars than this dude....

They may have to cut open my neck, fuck with my vocal chords (oh great) and remove it. Or just stick a long pair of scissors down my throat and cut it out. Whatever. This HAS to have been the worst friggin damn summer ever. Hopefully, it's just a growth and nothing more. The way this summer has been.....

Steely Dan

I had a pair of lawn seats to the show, but I stopped by the box office to see if there was anything else avaiulable. The young lady at the window said "no, nothing really" and I went away knowing that at least I would get in. About 20 minutes later, she stopped by the van and said there was one seat left, third row center. Shit, I don't have a hundred bucks for a seat and I was reminded of the time when I was married to my first wife. I had 7 bucks in my pocket to last all week. I found an English import copy of "Blues Helping" by Love Sculpture at my favorite record store for seven bucks. Well, what to do...you guessed, I bought the album but didn't have any money left. It had been 13 years since Steely Dan played in St. Louis and I am pretty sure they won't be back. So, I did it. Bought the ticket and after the broadcast, went inside to get my seat. Wow, unbelievable, Micheal McDonald was close enough to spit on me. Now, I am not the greatest Micheal McDonald fan. I think he has pretty much mumbled his way to stardom and I think he wasn't the guy the Doobie Brothers needed at the time. Some of his stuff is OK and his Motown covers are pretty pedestrian. He can't hit the high notes anymore and I thought he was OK.
Steely Dan come out to the tune of "Bodhisatva" and immediately, it was apparent that these guys had surrounded themselves with a crackerjack band, especially the young buck on drums. But wouldn't you know, the way my summer has been, there were two couples on my left that had the women sitting next to each other. Yak yak yak yak. I finally said to the guy next to me, "Look, I am not trying to be a prick or anything, but, shit I paid a hundred bucks I didn't have after waiting 13 years, is this conversation really necessary?" He leaned over said something and then the ladies left while feeding me a dirty look. Cool. The guy on my right however, kept asking an unnamed person on the phone.."where are you?" and chatting with that person. When did a concert become a fucking sporting event? Shut the hell up, people and enjoy the music you are in the third frikkin row!!! Back to the show, perfection personified. The encore was "FM" and "My Old School" with Micheal McDonald joining them. They played my favorites "Aja", "Home At Last","I Got The News", "Kid Charlemagne" "Do It Again" with MM on lead vocals and a very interesting version of "Show Biz Kids" done to the tune of "Cold Sweat" that was weird but highly entertaining. No "Deacon Blues", no "Reeling In The Years" but overall, true excellence. It started raining towrds the end of the show and I immediately thought of my friend Sean who is probably a bigger fan than I having to endure the rain while listening to the tunes. Man, what a way to close out the summer. I have high hopes that fall will bring a change of luck. How I wish I would have played that Martin guitar I bought in 1980 more, I would be pretty good by now.

Crikey, how ironic, Irwin dead

Steve Irwin 44, killed by animal. Spooked stingray did him in. I always liked his enthusiasm, energy and love for his job. If you are gonna go, it might as well be painless and at something you love. Left behind a wife and two kids. Bummer.

Questions...questions...

Why are drug companies advertising things that we can't buy without a prescription? Advodart is a prescription drug for enlarged prostrates. Of course, all over the commercial, there are pictures of water. Now, I ask you, if I had this condition, should I walk into my doctors office and say..."hey, doc, how bout a script for advodart, I saw it on TV?" Would he then say, ..."OK, sure..here ya go?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am nor sure what drug company it's for, but why is there a bee promoting the product and why does that bee speak with a spanish accent? And why are the people in the commercial not real people, they look like characters out of Toy Story?
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Why have I had the same dream for over thirty years? The dream that starts with me being happy to be in a new radio station and the all hell breaks loose when I can't find the records (yep, they are still records) in time to make the next segue? I had it again last night.
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What ever happened to common ground in this country? Why is it that if I disagree with you on one point, you think I disagree with you on everything? How can a person be pro life but then again believe in the death penalty?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Why do I enjoy college football so much? Hell, these are my kids playing. My son knows Brady Quinn (QB at Notre Dame) and now, vicariously, I am a fan. Rooting for Notre Dame takes me back to the days of Ara Paseghian and the voice of Chris Schenkel and Lindsey Nelson.

Post number 430

This is an absolutely incredible short interview with Rick Warren, "Purpose Driven Life" author, and pastor of Saddleback Church in California .
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life? And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body--but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal of God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense.
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good for which you can thank God. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, "which is my problem, my issues, my pain."
But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others. You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life. Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy. It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease. So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72. First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases. Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church. Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation. Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?
Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.
God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Steely Dan is Coming!

Truly, the ONLY show I really wanted to see this year is almost here. On Labor Day night, I have the pleasure of broadcasting at the UMB Bank Pavillion for Micheal McDonald and the "magnificent one Mr. Steely Dan". I saw them only once, in 1993 and they were perfect, note for note on every song except "Reeling In The Years" which was turned into a slow blues number.
With that in mind, my top ten Steely Dan tunes...

1. My Old School Not a tighter band in the world at the time, great arrangement, lyrics and that honkin guitar solo.
2. Deacon Blues One for the losers in the world, "Aja" may be the best album in their history.
3. Do It AgainI've heard this song more than you. Never forget the first time I heard it on the radio. Nothing sounded like it. Any song with an electric sitar and a vocorder in it is OK in my book.
4. King of The World This song used to scare the piss out of me. The end of the world as we know it.
5. Kid Charlemagne Larry Carlton plays his ass off here, one of my all time favorite guitar solos.
6. Home At LastAja, again. For everyone whose away from home. Sweet tune, well arranged and tasty.
7. Show Biz KidsA real good time in my life, can you say the word "fuck" on the radio? They did.
8.Pretzel Logic Steely Dan plays the blues, and how they could play.
9. Babylon Sisters And the colored girls go..."here come those santa anna winds again". Perfection on vinyl.
10.Chain Lightning Rock meets jazz=nothing like it in the seventies.

Picking my top ten Steely Dan songs is like saying which one of my children I like the most.

Here is the Wikipedia entry on Steely Dan:

My Breakfast

So, what did you have for breakfast? Me? I had Barium. Yeah, it's tasty and oh so good for you. Yeah, it's derivative is rat poison, but that's OK. I can had hardly wait till this shit goes through my system. My ass ought to light up a geiger counter in the next room. Maybe I'll take a picture of the outcome and post it on the blog.

See how happy this person looks? She didn't have to drink two gallons of the crap.
"Just one more, Mr. Raley, please swallow hard." So, how was your morning?

Random Crap

Why is called the "UMB Bank Pavillion"? Isn't that like saying the United Missouri Bank Bank Pavillion? That is the way they want it said. Ok, then, I will just stop by their ATM machine.
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Why, after I eat asparagus (if there is more than one, is it asparagi?), my urine smells like a tire thats on fire? Does it happen to women too? Yech.
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Why are their fewer broadcasters broadcasting sports on TV anymore? I turned in for a little while to the pregame of Rams football and saw Roland Williams(?)give us his opinion of himself. WTF? And Ricky Proehl, as a broadcaster, you were an awesome receiver. Hey, I am out of work, I'll do it.
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When talking about guys who have had an effect and a legacy on American music, why is Neil Young never mentioned in the same breath as Dylan or Springsteen? Year after year, he releases album after album that should be considered clasic recordings. I just saw a bit of "Heart of Gold" last night and it's a movie of him premiering "Prairie Wind" (a collection of songs he wrote while being diagnosed with a brain anuerism) in front of a sold out house at the Ryman in Nashville. He brings me to tears, he is that good.
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"The Aristocrats" is a profane, crude, rude, socially unacceptable and hilariously funny movie. If you are shocked by words, it's not for you.

No Pity Party

I have a great life, filled with great friends, and a healthy family. That makes me better off than 99.7% of the world's population. There is no doubt. I just don't like what has happened this summer and how I have been treated by prospective employers. Being treated rudely is par for the course when it comes to radio people. Program directors are known for ignoring people who come to them in need of a job that they have posted. I have sent out probably 25 resumes and auditions this summer, and have recieved a reply on 3. The "coin flip" and two rejection letters. Even out of the radio business, however, I find most HR people and personnel departments are less civil and downright rude sometimes. I applied for a job at Balke/Brown here in St. Louis for a position that I thought I was qualified for and received a response that was basically..."who the hell do you think you are for applying for THIS job?" Just rude. I hope that someday, the cosmic tumblers of the karma Master lock gets turned and the shoe is on the other foot. I will keep fighting....

Cruel Summer

I don't remember a summer that has been as cruel as much as this one. From the beginning(I was one of two candidates for a great job and I lost on a "coin flip", spraining my ankle so badly that it still is swollen), to yesterday ("I don't have anything for you, I just wanted to meet the guy I grew up listening to"). My days are full of disappointment and my nights are full of sleepless dreams that make no sense. Hallucenogenic might be the right term, how else would you describe a dream about riding the bus of death with a driver that looks like Johnny Cash? It seems that I am the butt of a cosmic joke and God, in his infinate wisdom, is punishing me for past sins and maybe even past life mistakes. I have the song "Galileo" by the Indigo Girls running through my head. My head hurts from trying to figure out the next move and my heart aches for my family who has had to endure this ride with me. I haven't had a drink in six months and I sure would like one. I have applied for jobs all over town and been turned down becasue I don't have the correct last name. "Hey, you're a legend in this town"..really? Can I have a job? No, sorry, nothing here. "Someone from personel will call you tomorrow". Great. Waiting...waiting. My father did the same job over and over and over and over for 30 years. God, I wish I had that kind of security. All I need is ten years and with my family's history, I'll probably be dead then. While there have been some musical finds this summer (Cheap Trick, Stevie Williams, Mark Knopfler/Emmylou Harris), the high points have been few and far between. I have taken two Hogan personality tests (true or false...I want to learn to deep sea dive..I am a calm person..I think your appearance is important...people tend to like me) and obviously flunked them both. I have been dismissed by the railroad because of my age(sure, sure, we DON'T discriminate by age)and other times just because. I have had rude rejection letters and well written ones. This summer has been the summer of my discontent, the boulevard of broken dreams, the summer that makes me wonder if anything will come my way. It has taken away my self confidence and thoroughly eroded my self esteem. The jobs and the pay have dwindled in radio so badly, it makes me wonder if I can even make ends meet anymore. If not for the saving grace of my family (the ones that are still speaking to me) and the wonderful distraction that is basketball, I would have lost my mind. I have no idea where I am going and how this summer will end up (oh great joy, we still have another month left)but I will keep plugging along and hope that something miraculous will take place, something that God will plant in front of me, someone or something that will save my life. Shit, even Pluto gets kicked out of the club this summer. How cruel is that? Running out of money, running on faith. It's my blog, my journal, for whimsical stuff, fun stuff and stuff that hurts. This summer has hurt, there is no getting around it. I just hope to walk away with scars that will heal. I hope to walk away at all.
Cue Mr. Springsteen...

It's rainin' but there ain't a cloud in the sky
Musta been a tear from your eye
Everything'll be okay
Funny thought I felt a sweet summer breeze
Musta been you sighin' so deep
Don't worry we're gonna find a way

I'm waitin', waitin' on a sunny day
Gonna chase the clouds away
Waitin' on a sunny day

Without you I'm workin' with the rain fallin' down
Half a party in a one dog town
I need you to chase the blues away
Without you I'm a drummer girl that can't keep a beat
And ice cream truck on a deserted street
I hope that you're coming to stay

I'm waitin', waitin' on a sunny day
Gonna chase the clouds away
Waitin' on a sunny day

Hard times baby, well they come to tell us all
Sure as the tickin' of the clock on the wall
Sure as the turnin' of the night into day
Your smile girl, brings the mornin' light to my eyes
Lifts away the blues when I rise
I hope that you're coming to stay

Abbott and Costello on Computers...

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch,
"Who's on First" might have turned out something like this:

Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac

COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for Windows

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm
sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need.

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some
straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I
can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled with my computer

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer. How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave a license to copy Money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money

ABBOTT: Why not THEY OWN IT!




(A few days later)

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off

ABBOTT: Click on "START".............

A Great Musical Find

One of the cool things about voice tracking an internet smooth jazz station is the fact I get exposed to music I wouldn't normally hear. Some of it is pretty pedestrian, but Stevie Williams is one of the baddest bass players I have ever heard. In the spirit of Stanley Clarke, Jaco Pastorius and Abraham Laboriel, this cat is just plain B-A-D.
This is one of the best CDs I have heard in the last five years. "Open Up Your Heart" kicks off the CD and is the first thing that caught my ear, extremely funky with a keyboard that sounds like a freight train, Steve Winwood would be proud of this. An incredibly catchy tune that sets the stage. "Today I Stop" sounds like Rufus with Chaka Khan, soulful and sweet. "Lo-Fi" starts with the sounds of a scratchy record and you swear the turntable os on the wrong speed. Where did this creativity come from? Incredible bass playing and a rhythm section that sounds like thunder. "Living Under The Sun" has turned into my favorite track on this recording and my favorite song this summer. Uplifting, funky, sweet with a piano solo and trumpet played with heart and passion. Where did this guy come from? "Just A Little More" sounds like a 1970s soul song that could have been done by Marvin Gaye. If your toes don't tap to this, you need help. Could have been a big hit if released 30 years ago. "Skyward Bound" sounds just like Jaco did when he was alive. This track is as about as laidback as you can get. The melody here reminds me of a hot summer day, the consistency of molasses. "Nursery Bass (The Special Children)" Nice feeling here, a bit of a throwaway if there is one on this release, but a sweet song with a real interesting fingering concept here. Nice solo in the middle from what sounds like a piccolo. "Gospel Summer" Baptist church on a hot Sunday morning. A great song, my second favorite on the CD. Jublilant and a joyful noise and when that Hammond B3 kicks in, you give up your soul to the groove...Hallelujah! "Walk Tall" brings you back down to Earth with a cool funky vibe that sounds like Jimmy Jamerson to me, just the way he plays is a nod to the old Motown Funk Brothers. "4am" a great ending to a wonderful ride. Cool talk box feature that would make Bob Heil proud. I plan on sending Stevie an email through his website just to say thanks for being one of the few things anymore that fills this 50 year old music fan's heart with awe. Find this release and buy it.

The Top Five Drugged Up Appearances Ever

With our special guests...Crispin Glover, James Brown, Klaus Kinski and Richard Pryor.

I don't care who ya are...that's funny.
From cracked.com

The Top 20 Questionable Career Moves

I agree with most of this...
didn't you used to be Craig Kilborn?

The A-Z of Rock Sex Scandals

From Blender magazine

Not for kids, for sure.

My Head Hurts...Please Stop

After ten years, it's ALL JonBonet all the time. This is the second wave and the reason that network and local news organizations suck. Please stop! My head hurts already. NBC Nightly news spent the first eight fucking minutes on this tonight....and then, we needed a "local" angle. Now I'm watching Fox news in the studio and they have lined up six "experts" on the case.
HE DIDN'T DO IT!
Now, be like OJ and find the real killer.
Now, really, does this guy look like a child molester to you? Well, actually.....

Song In My Head

I was listening to the radio
I heard a song reminded me of long ago
Back then I thought that things were never gonna change
It used to be that I never had to feel the pain
I know that things will never be the same now

I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know

I recall hanging out on Friday night
The first slow dance
Hoping that I'll get it right
Back then I thought I'd never ever stand alone
It used to be that a lonely heart was never shown
I know that things will never be the same

I wanna go back
And do it all over again
But I can't go back I know
I wanna go back
Cause I'm feeling so much older
But I can't go back I know

Can't go back

I can't go back

I know now that things will never be the same


No, No
And do it all over

Yeah, pal, I'm fifty and I hate it, too.

Bill Clinton turns 60 and he hates it.

Nursery Rhymes For Big Kids

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.


MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.


JACK AND JILL Went up the hill
To have a little fun.
Stupid Jill forgot the pill
And now they have a son.



SIMPLE SIMON met a Pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the Pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb #$%!"




HUMPTY DUMPTY sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.



HEY DIDDLE, DIDDLE the cat took a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun.
Then died of electric shock.


GEORGIE PORGY Pudding and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too 'cause he was gay.


There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad........
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.

Thanks Mike

MIKE DOUGLAS 1925-2006


Mike with Olivia Newton-John (yummy) and her sister

As a young man growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere, I didn't get the chance to experience much of what was going on in the music scene. My Am radio at night picked up the hallowed sounds of WLS and KAAY, but other than that, it was slim pickins. Every day after school (and before my chores), I would do my homework in front of the TV watching Mike Douglas and who Mike had on. Somedays it would be guys like Alejandro Rey and other days it would be guys like Jimi Hendrix or Sly Stone or whoever.

Mike Douglas with Starbuck "Moonlight Feels Right"

Mike seemed to be at home with everyone and comfortable with all of them. One Christmas, I got a very small reel to reel tape recorder from Cummins Electric and I thought I was in heaven. It was a real cheap thing with 4 1/2" reels that would last about five minutes. Whenever Mike had someone cool on, I would set up the microphone right next to the TV speaker and record. I must have had about 25 of these tapes. Mike Douglas passed away today on his 81st birthday. For a kid on the farm, he was a breath of fresh air and a conduit to what was happening in the world. I sure wish I would have kept those tapes.

Mike with Andy Kaufman

Yumm!

This snake was recently found at the old Turkey Creek gas plant located just south of the Alibates Turnoff on Highway 136 south of Fritch, Texas . [THAT'S JUST NORTH OF AMARILLO ]

9 feet, 1 inch - 97 lbs.

DEEP-FRIED RATTLESNAKE

1 medium-sized rattlesnake (3-4 lbs.), cut into steaks
1/2 cup flour
1/4 cup cornmeal
1/4 cup cracker crumbs
1/2 cup milk
1 egg
1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (not garlic salt)
1 teaspoon salt
dash pepper

Mix dry ingredients. Whisk milk into beaten egg and use to dip sna ke steaks. Then coat them with dry ingredients. Fry, uncovered, in 400 degree oil until brown.