Heroes

October in my family normally sucks.
It seems just about anything bad that has happened to the family has happened in October.
OK, it'll be my brother's 70th birthday this year. While it's a joyous experience, I have no one to "celebrate" with me.
All I know is that it will be Friday.
Maybe I'll make some profound blog that will in someway affect you.
Maybe I'll try and dismiss the thought all day.
Maybe I'll just go about my business.
Maybe I just won't get out of bed.

My very first hero.
He was a man I could never hope to be. He went through more hell in 45 years than I ever have yet. His job in Vietnam was to kill "anything that moved" after dropping into fields of agent orange. The last couple of weeks in his life, I think the agent orange weakened his heart and he knew it. About six months before, standing in my driveway in Kirkwood, he told me he didn't have long.
I, of course, guffawed and told him he did.
He knew.
I miss him more than life itself. the last 25 years have been "played in protest" as they say in baseball because I never got to watch him get well.
And old.
I wish I would just have had one more day.
Now, I'd take 30 seconds

His children remain and I hope to see a couple of them this weekend.
My mom's not here, my dad, he isn't of course, and for the last year or two, my sister won't be here either.
My siblings will never get older, I'll always remember them at 45 and at 57.
They will never age.
But I sure do.

The 25th anniversary of his death arrives this month, too, along with the 30th passing of my mother.
Tess asked me the another night about the obsession with numbers. I'm not sure, I think it's a genetic thing, as my mom would obsess about anniversaries, birthdays, etc.

His 70th.
The 25th of his passing.
The 30th of my mom's.
I've been fired a number of times in October and Joanie (Ann's mom) died in October too.

October has started cold, cloudy and windy in Morris.
Apparently we get the wind of Chicago without any of the benefits of the city.
Too early to hibernate?