So Long 2008

The rest of the list

EARTHA KITT...maybe the best Catwoman, earthy, sultry.
FREDDIE HUBBARD...maybe the best trumpeter ever, although Maynard Ferguson played at my high school.
CHARLTON HESTON...for only two quotes..."Get your filthy paws off of me, you damned dirty ape!" and "Soylent Green is people!" No one could have done Moses better
RICHARD WRIGHT...Pink Floyd keyboardist and song writer...thanks for the good times under the headphones
JIM MCKAY...the theme from "Wide World of Sports" is as a part of my youth as anything.
ISAAC HAYES...Under-rated musician and singer...He also made a couple great "Rockford Files" episodes, where he kept calling the famous James Garner character, "Rockfish..* thanks Sid, his 22 minute version of "By The Time I Get To Phoenix" notwithstanding
TIM RUSSERT...Gladys was in England when I told her. She cried. So much a part of Sunday morning
TONY SNOW...former Bush White House press secretary, Fox News anchor, political columnist, I didn't agree with him much, but his courage and grace under pressure was inspiring
BERNIE MAC...one funny dude, his TV show was hilarious.
GEORGE CARLIN...maybe THE reason I got into radio, he made the five oclock news sound so much fun. I miss him.
SUZANNE PLESHETTE...I was so in love with her in high school, what a great part she played on Newhart, pretty, funny and a REAL hottie
JEFF HEALEY...Blind blues musician. My band "The Traffic Jam" opened for Jeff Healey at Mississippi Nights at a free concert. We were very well received and while I was leaving the stage, Jeff said "they love you, go back out" to which I replied "opening bands don't get encores". "Mine do", he said. What an incredible guy. How sweet.
BO DIDDLEY...Reknowned blues guitar afficionado, but better known for his Nike/Bo Jackson commercials in the late 80's...interviewed him twice, he was a prick both times, couldn't stop eating either time
DICK MARTIN...The other half of Rowan and Martin, one of a few guys who could make me laugh so hard I peed my pants
HARVEY KORMAN...here's another one. Carol Burnett, "Blazing Saddles", you name it..he killed me
PAUL NEWMAN...Still hard to believe he ever got old, I can't list enough things that inspired me. See earlier post about how he was in the very first movie I remember
LEVI STUBBS...Four Tops frontman, trained as an alto, sang as a soprano, that's how he got that "ache" in his voice
JERRY REED...I quote him everyday when I talk to my sales crew..."we got a long way to go and a short time to get there". Thanks for "Amos Moses", I loved that song
DON LAFONTAINE...in a world far away, man, what a voice.

On The Air Again

Grabbing the headphones and on air all week, doing the old Randy Raley Experience, from 2p-7p starting Tuesday. You can hear me at http://www.eagleclassicrock.com/.

"Playing all the hits for you.. for you wherever you may be. The bright good-morning voice who's heard but never seen. Feeling all of forty-five going on fifteen" I haven't done this for a while, it ought to be fun. I wonder if I remember how.

Goodbye Part Two

Michael Crichton...man, your stuff scared the shit out of me. I read "The Andromeda Strain" in high school and nearly soiled my pants. I went back and re-read it earlier this year and it still had the same effect on me. Next came "The Terminal Man", "The Great Train Robbery", "Congo","Sphere" and, of course "Jurassic Park." "Prey" has been turned into "The Day The Earth Stood Still". Crichton has written or directed in several motion pictures or TV series. In the 1970s in particular he was intent on being a successful filmmaker. His first film, Pursuit (1972) was a TV movie both written and directed by Crichton that is based on his novel Binary.Westworld was the first feature film that used 2D computer-generated imagery (CGI) and the first use of 3D CGI was in its sequel, Futureworld (1976), which featured a computer-generated hand and face created by then University of Utah graduate students Edwin Catmull and Fred Parke. Crichton directed the film Coma, adapted from a Robin Cook novel. There are other similarities in terms of genre and the fact that both Cook and Crichton were physicians, were of similar age, and wrote about similar subjects. Given the private way in which Crichton lived his life, his battle with throat cancer was not made public until his death. He died unexpectedly of throat cancer on November 4, 2008. On Crichton's death, long term friend and collaborator Steven Spielberg issued a statement: “Michael’s talent outscaled even his own dinosaurs of ‘Jurassic Park.’ He was the greatest at blending science with big theatrical concepts, which is what gave credibility to dinosaurs again walking the earth. In the early days, Michael had just sold ‘The Andromeda Strain’ to Robert Wise at Universal and I had recently signed on as a contract TV director there. My first assignment was to show Michael Crichton around the Universal lot. We became friends and professionally ‘Jurassic Park,’ ‘ER,’ and ‘Twister’ followed. Michael was a gentle soul who reserved his flamboyant side for his novels. There is no one in the wings that will ever take his place.” Amen, Steven. Man, this guy filled my nights with soooo much entertainment.

Danny Federici Where would Bruce Springsteen be without Danny Federici? The happy Hammond b3 in "Hungry Heart". The haunting throbbing mellow pulsating organ on "Point Blank" and "My Hometown". He filled in the band's sound and actually asked Bruce to join HIS band. Federici started to play accordion when he was seven years old, which he learned from watching The Lawrence Welk Show. When he mastered classical music and polka, his mother booked him at parties, clubs and on radio. While he continued his studies in classical accordion, he gained an interest in jazz and blues, after he heard a professor on Neupauer Conservatory of Music in Philadelphia play those styles on accordion.
During in-concert band intros, Springsteen often referred to him as "Phantom," sometimes said to be because of an incident in Asbury Park in the 1960s where Federici evaded a police crackdown that resulted in the arrest of numerous others. Federici attended high school at Hunterdon Central High School in New Jersey. When he, along with Vini Lopez started the band Child at the end of the 1960s, their choice for a singer fell on Bruce Springsteen; Federici also joined Springsteen in other early efforts such as Steel Mill.
Federici's organ fills are a key component in the E Street sound, and sometimes take on a more prominent role, such as on the hit "Hungry Heart". His use of the electronic glockenspiel is also an easily recognized E Street element; he subsequently used electronic keyboards to simulate the glockenspiel sound. Another notable performance is his accordion solo on "4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy)". It was reported in an interview in Backstreets magazine that Federici did not have the best working relationship while playing with pianist David Sancious in the early days of the E Street Band; Sancious would comment on Federici's parts, constantly telling him what to play and what not to play. Federici married Kathlynn Helmeid, a flight attendant he had met on the Born in the USA tour, in Janesville, Wisconsin in 1987. After years of failed adoption attempts, they adopted two daughters, Madison and Harley. The couple separated in 2000 and divorced in 2002. Kathlynn suffered from Crohn's disease and died in 2007. On November 21, 2007, it was announced that Federici would take a leave of absence from Springsteen and the E Street Band's ongoing Magic Tour to pursue treatment for melanoma, and was temporarily replaced by veteran musician Charles Giordano Springsteen stated at the time: "Danny is one of the pillars of our sound and has played beside me as a great friend for more than 40 years. We all eagerly await his healthy and speedy return." Federici made his only return to the stage on March 20, 2008, when he appeared for portions of a Springsteen and E Street Band performance at Conseco Fieldhouse in Indianapolis. Federici died on April 17, 2008 in New York having suffered for three years with melanoma. Federici's son, Jason Federici, daughters, Madison and Harley and fourth wife, Maya, survived him.

Goodbye Part one

Throughout the last couple of weeks here in 2008, I will pause long enough to say goodbye to people I will miss in ther future or say sayanara to someone who has touched my life in the past. Here is the first in a number of segments.

Bobby Mercer I hated the Yankees. No question about it. Even back then. Since basesball was only broadcast on Staurday, all of America usually got the Yankees. One guy who played as hard as he could and I really admired was Bobby Mercer. Apparently, he was one of the nicest cats, ever. Even while going through the ravishes of chemo and radiation, he signed autographs for 2,000 fans on Bobby Mercer day at Yankee Stadium. He died earlier this year of cancer at the age of 62.


Arthur C. Clarke

"2001: A Space Odyssey" started as a piece called "The Sentinel" written in 1948 for a BBC competition. I've read "The City and the Stars","Childhood's End" and "2001". He was the inspiration for a number of writers and songwriters. The Moody Blues have said that they wanted make their music sound like an Arthur C. Clarke novel and have duly noted his influence on their music. In December 2007 on his 90th birthday, Clarke recorded a video message to his friends and fans bidding them good-bye. Clarke died in Sri Lanka on 19 March 2008 after suffering from breathing problems, according to Rohan de Silva, one of his aides, only a few days after he had reviewed the final manuscript of his latest work, The Last Theorem, co-written with Frederik Pohl. He was buried in Colombo in traditional Sri Lankan fashion on 22 March, with his younger brother, Fred Clarke, and his Sri Lankan adoptive family among the thousands in attendance.

Jo Stafford-The fisrt musical anything I can remember are 78 rpm records. We had a bunch of them and most of them were Jo Stafford records. "...see the pyramids across the Nile..." is one of my first musical memories. Thank God my mom liked music, and usually pretty good stuff. Jo Stafford was better than good stuff, she was great. My first introduction into music was done with class and style and by someone who could just flat out sing. ...."you belong to me..." She died in July at 90.

Here's the song

RIP Dennis Yost

While better late than never, I must pay tribute to one of the under looked guys in pop music.
Dennis Yost was responsible for some of the best MOR sounds of the mid- late sixties. "Stormy" "Spooky" "Traces of Love" and my favorite "Pollyanna" were all over pop radio and now oldies radio. Looking back after all these years, I wonder what kind of an effect these songs had on couples split apart by the war. His stuff was on the radio from 1967-1969 and I can only imagine what kind of memories they must produce with wives STILL waiting for their men to come home. While not the most gifted of musicians, he surrounded himself with great players. Robert Nix, Dean Daughtry and James Cobb went on to form the Atlanta Rhythm Section (see earlier post) and his producer Buddy Buie did the same for ARS. He performed with various members as Dennis Yost and the Classics IV for the almost forty years. Following an outdoor concert on September 24, 2005 at Chenay Bay Resort, St. Croix, Virgin Islands at "Kat-Fest", Brian Correll and Don Martin headed for home, while the rest of the group stayed on the island for about a week. Martin had some business affairs to attend to and Correll returned to the recording studio to work on some songs that the group had been putting together for a new album to promote a 2006 tour, which would have marked the 40th anniversary of the group. However, plans for 2006 were soon abandoned after Yost became seriously ill. On July 11, 2006, while recovering at home in a suburb of Cincinnati, Yost fell down a flight of stairs and suffered serious brain trauma. Although Yost subsequently underwent a significant amount of rehabilitation, he was never again able to perform. Since Yost's unique voice was integral to the Classics IV sound, his injury effectively placed the group on hiatus. To assist Yost and his wife with their medical bills, a benefit concert was held on March 25, 2007, at Rhino's Live in Cincinnati, Ohio, the benefit was originally thought up by Yost's close friend Jon "Bowser" Bauman. Many musical entertainers and some surprise guests from the 1950s through the 1970s performed some of their biggest chart-topping hits in tribute to Yost, backed by local favorites, BlueStone Ivory and Classics IV guitarist Brian Correll. An interesting note to the benefit concert is that it did not benefit Yost or his wife financially. Without question the benefit was a huge boost for Yost allowing him to see and visit with so many old friends, but the expenses far exceeded the money raised leaving the whole event in the red.
Yost died of respiratory failure, on December 7, 2008, at the age of 65.

Here is a video tribute, starting with MY favorite "Pollyanna" where they sound more like the Four Seasons than the Classics IV. I was eleven when "Pollyanna" came out, and yes there was this girl... The "Traces" video was on a local Cleveland TV show. The guy looks and sounds an awful lot like Dick Clark.

Enjoy the recesses of your mind where a lot of good songs are still stored in our own personal Ipods.












Here is the Atlanta Rhythm Section version with Ronnie Hammond

Over Rated Part 3

On his blog, my buddy Brian has a section on musicians he thinks are overrated. You can get to his site by clicking the link on my roster of friend's websites. Since this is such a subjective subject, I thought I'd steal his idea and post mine.

Exhibit C

Aerosmith A.D. (after drugs)
While I would put Aerosmith's first four albums against anyones (Aerosmith, Get Your Wings, Toys in the Attic and Rocks), I wouldn't walk across the street to see them now. Permanent Vacation was OK ("Hangman's Jury" was the best song on that album). "The Other Side" and "F.I.N.E" from Pump were OK, but once they started making a statement... "Janie's Got A Gun", "Livin on the Edge", etc. they were done to me. Anytime any band has recorded a Diane Warren song (see Heart), they are toast.
"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" was nothing more than a full scale sell out and made me wretch whenever I heard it. While I have heard "Honkin on Bobo" is interesting, I couldn't tell you because they were finished in my mind and still are. I'll put it bluntly, they made better music when they were fucked up. Over rated.

Hidden gem

While driving back from B/N last night, I took some oldie but goodie CDs with me, one being John Cougar Mellencamp's "Nothing Matters and What if it Did". My heart stopped when this song came on. It hit me like a bullet from another time and dimension. I had forgotten the power it once held over me and I was transported back to 1981 when I went throught this exact situation with a woman. I still think of her.

The truth shall set you free.



You were NEVER better than this song, John.

Sorry about the weirdness in the video, it was the only "youtube" video of the song.

Over Rated Part Two

Sorry, Brian, this one's gonna hurt...

Exhibit B

KISS

Never got these guys at all. In fact, they were all I was against when it came to rock and roll bands. Can you play, write and sing? With these guys, my answer to each one was a resounding no. A friend of mine had their debut release in 1974 and brought it to my house. He lept and I wept. My first response was...what are they hiding? Sure, their shows are a hoot and I am pretty comfortable in my knowledge that they were in on the joke the whole time. A self marketer's dream but, to me, as I think of myself as a rock purist (my love for Journey notwithstanding), they represnted the side of rock and roll I didn't care for. The farewell tour lasted three years and came back to St. Louis twice. They do get points however for being nice guys. My interview with Paul and Gene at KSHE in 1994 was one of the best I have ever done. Personable and funny, but that don't mean nothin' when it comes to your place in rock and roll history. I think they will be much better known for the spectacle rather than the music. Over rated.

Upcoming Milestone

Just goes to show what passes for entertainment in this starved culture. This blog is approaching one hundred thousand hits. Not bad for being less than four years old. I think you all are absolutely insane, but, thanks for picking my journal of crap. At least it's my crap. I'd invite you all to a bar, but I don't know where we would hold the ceremony. I'll have a glass of white wine and ponder my navel.

Damn! He missed.

I think the whole country has wanted to do this for years, too bad he missed.

Over Rated

My buddy Brian is doing a feature on his blog about the most overrated bands in rock and roll. Since copying is the most sincerest form of flattery (or something like that), we'll get into Randy's most over rated...

Exhibit A

The Grateful Dead.

Now mind you, I like a lot of their stuff, it's the endless noodling and the God like fascination their followers have with the band that does it for me. Jeez, stay in time and in tune will ya? They had a couple of decent releases ("Workingman's Dead" being one). I remember buying their live album (Europe 72) when I was 16 and taking it back to get my money refunded the next day. I just didn't get it. I still don't. Nice enough stuff but hardly cult like legions of unwashed material. Hey, it's a subjective blog and I appreciate good music like the next person, but having lived through it, I still don't get it. "Noodle music" as my dad described it. "Do they play, or do they just noodle all day?" Over rated.

Louis CK

I found this on smays.com. He found it somewhere else, ain't the internet grand?



I not only had a rotary dial, when we were on the farm, we had a party line that featured old Mrs. Harris on our line and she would sometimes answer our calls. Urgh, if kids only knew..

Big Bad Moon

If the full moon tonight looks unusually large, it is not your imagination – it is the biggest and brightest full moon to be seen for 15 years. Each month the Moon makes a full orbit around the Earth in a slightly oval-shaped path, and tonight it will swing by the Earth at its closest distance, or perigee. It will pass by 221,595 miles away, which is about 28,000km closer than average. The unusual feature of tonight is that the perigee also coincides with a full moon, which will make it appear 14 per cent bigger and some 30 per cent brighter than most full moons this year – so long as the clouds hold off from blocking the view. The next closest encounter with a full moon this large will not be until November 14, 2016.
In addition to this lunar flypast,we may also be treated to a strange phenomenon known as the moon illusion. As the Moon rises in the late afternoon, it will appear even larger as it lies close to the horizon. Psychologists have tried to explain this as a trick of the eye, as the landscape on the horizon appears to make the Moon loom much larger, an effect that disappears as the Moon rises above the horizon, although viewing it through a tube, such as a toilet roll, can make it look large again. With the Moon approaching so close to the Earth, its gravity will pull a slightly higher tide than normal for a full moon. This so-called perigeal tide adds about 1.6ft to the high-water mark, and with freshening southwesterly winds forecast, this may cause some flooding, especially along parts of the South West coast. Tonight’s full moon is also notable for rising to its greatest height in the night sky for the entire year, lying almost overhead at midnight. This is because we are approaching the winter solstice, on December 21, and thanks to the tilt of the Earth the Moon appears at its highest, as the Sun is at its lowest. Another astronomical treat that could be seen tonight and for the next two nights is the annual Geminid meteor shower, one of the year’s best displays of shooting stars. Up to 100 meteors an hour can fly across the sky. The meteors, which are easy to spot with the naked eye, appear to shoot out from the constellation Gemini, hence their name, but they can be seen all over the sky. However, with a full moon so bright, the best place to look is away from the Moon. Meteor showers happen when the Earth passes through clouds of debris shed from comets. As the tiny fragments smash into the Earth’s upper atmosphere at about 100,000mph, they burn up in streaks of light.

For reasons that are not understood, the Geminid meteor showers are tending to grow stronger each year.

I love this stuff. For my third grade science fair project, I created a solar system that actually worked with planets orbiting the sun. I was enthralled at the Gemini and Apollo space missions, I hung on every word. It will be cloudy tonight in Bloominton/Normal. Bummer.

A tasty tidbit from Jerry D.

Priceless, priceless stuff. Jerry is a brilliant man and a great programmer. Too bad no one is listening to him.


Radio: No Balls and Jockless

By Jerry Del Colliano

The personnel cutbacks in radio continue.
Forget that it's only a few weeks before Christmas.
Each week another group gets to make a fool out of itself to shave more costs while rationalizing that they are doing better radio.
Someone must believe them -- but not my readers from the next generation who know better and -- believe it or not -- the programmers and managers who know how to run a good radio station. Or what I call the unemployed.
This week, it's CBS Radio on a rampage.
Their latest desperate move is to eliminate djs entirely and do an imitation of the "Jack" format -- you know, the "we play what we want, and you'll listen" concept. Except, that the listeners don't listen -- at least not in large enough quantities to make a statement. WKRK-FM in Cleveland can be added to the spineless list of yes men who said, "anything you want" to corporate and switched to an automated format called Radio 92.3 -- inspiring, eh? Opie and Anthony were pulled -- probably an okay move, but what's left of the local air staff is also out in the rust belt cold on the unemployment line. A sweeper voice is making a few bucks and he doesn't have to live in Cleveland. (Hey, what's wrong with Cleveland? After all, WKRK is in Cleveland?). The geniuses in the trenches think they've tweaked a female leaning alternative format that plays lots of music except where listeners have to put up with commercials and suffer the indignities of sweepers -- the worst formatic element ever invented by radio. Meaningless, repetitive, self-promotion. Jockless is "working" or should I say not being stoned to death in Hartford and Philly. Luckily young people don't care about radio anymore because radio sure doesn't care about them. More music -- fewer commercials -- greater variety. What a concept! So you don't think I'm going negative on you, let me pretend to suck up to the decision makers who are pushing this "improved" radio. God, listeners are going to eat it up. Who needs jocks? Listeners like to listen to stations that don't lose money for their owners. Someday PPM will confirm that! Anyway, we've got to do it -- there's a recession, right. And listeners want more music. They hate jocks anyway.

I'm going to puke.

You know what happens to decision makers who make lousy decisions, don't you? They keep their jobs when they work in radio. What happens if you know in your heart and through your experience that reducing radio to such a non-compelling experience can only hurt its chances of being a viable business? What some good programmers who have sold their souls to keep their jobs have forgotten is that you build the content first, market it second. Nowhere did I mention cutting costs?

A growth business is Apple. Not radio.

Apple comes up with great products that are generationally appealing and they deliver them in an atmosphere of desirability. Their marketing comes after they come up with the content like iPods, iPhones, Apple Air computers and so on. If radio executives ran Apple, here's how it would have gone.

Back when the money was pouring in, John Hogan(the head guy at Clear Channel), the new Apple CEO would have called a meeting and announced some changes.

1. He would appoint fifteen regional executives to meddle in Apple's retail stores.
2. Hogan would have announced to Wall Street that Apple was going to cut the length of the ear bud cords for the purposes of economies of scale. This would bring great savings that would be accretive to their share price. He would call PR Newswire and announce his new policy is called "Less is More" and consumers would carry their heads bent over in neck pain because they can't hold their heads up straight while listening because the cord is too short.
3. Apple CEO Hogan would then announce a reshuffling of his regional executives to eliminate the ones that won't say "yes" quicker and while he's at it, he creates three additional regional posts to make up for the weaknesses of the ones he's already named.
4. He announces the iPod will come complete with a radio that only plays Ryan Seacrest -- citing a research project that was commissioned by someone, someplace, somehow.
5. He announces budget cutbacks and starts firing store managers so the Apple store manager in Philadelphia has to run the one in the suburbs. This continues until he has one store manager per market -- running eight Apple stores. He calls this -- consolidation. Very accretive to shareholders.
6. Hogan announces that works so well that he's going to have his market retail store managers manage two markets. His first announcement reveals that he will be requiring the Philly manager to also oversee Kuala Lampur's stores. Not to worry -- he'll be required to visit each store every week.
7. Hogan reshuffles his regionals again and cuts back to four regions with the biggest four yes men (or women) keeping their jobs. The others are shown out of the building and their iPhones physically removed from their persons.
8. Then, as profits decline, Hogan calls the PR Newswire and announces drastic budget cutbacks to keep the stock price accretive. There's that word again.
9. Hogan suddenly drops the iPhone and iPod saying Apple can no longer afford to build and market these successful products because it would require them to actually hire more people instead of reducing the work force which would be -- more accretive. But he reassures everyone that Apple will remain in the laptop business.
10. Hogan calls Lee and Bain and offers them a chance to take Apple private at $100 a share. Meanwhile Apple stock is trading for $1.00 a share. But that's more than Citadel.
11. Apple announces that Lee and Bain have taken Apple private and to be reassured that John Hogan will remain as CEO for the next five years.
12. Apple cuts its work force by nearly 50% and finds some old computers in a warehouse that they can blowout under the name "Apple Air" -- never mind if it is or isn't.

You get the idea.

The way radio CEOs do things, they could even screw up Apple -- which if you follow their stock, is holding up pretty nicely in a bad economy.

No one is listening to radio.

Advertisers in deep trouble this holiday season are avoiding radio as a sales tool at any price. But go to an Apple store (run by Steve Jobs not John Hogan) and see how many people are buying iPods for their kids this Christmas -- in fact they will likely sell a record number -- and they are having the same recession everyone else is. And you see a lot of employees ready to help you buy something. Call their help centers and you actually get people answering the phone. Apple continues to expand which is why the company continues to grow.

Yes, radio has no balls -- jockless, mindless, people-less radio -- that your radio CEOs are giving the American public and advertiser.

While Apple may be the digital tomorrow and radio is in danger of being the analog past, the real mistake that is being made has nothing to do with technology.

It has to do with content -- or lack of it, thereof -- things like jockless stations, syndicated poppycock and non-compelling, cheap programming.

And a lack of understanding the generational media -- the differences between Gen Y, Gen X and Baby Boomers as it pertains to media.

Its content they don't understand or value which is why Apple is a growth business and radio is a thing of the past.

How about some balls for a quick fix? The courage to get back to what radio once did by instinct and now can't do even with the help of radar.

Get a new plan. This one has failed.





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Sunday Morning

Mizzou gets their ass handed to them again. You would think that we would shake off the old demons and be able to compete with the big boys in the conference. After the loss to Kansas, I just knew that this game was going to have ass kicking all over it. Most of the team will be gone next year and the "rebuilding" time begins again. I appreciate what coach Pinkel has done, but until they get past the big hurdle that is OU, Mizzou football will remain Mizzou football. Coach Pinkel is now 0-2 since signing that huge extension. The basketball team is 6-1, maybe there's a light there too...oh wait, Oklahoma is ranked in the top ten.

Here in Kirkwood, the birds have descended by the hundreds, the squirrels are out in numbers that I haven't seen before and scurrying about the place. The dogs in the neighborhood are howling. Could it be that this winter is going to be one of the worst ever? It's already dreary and cold and the official season is not upon us yet. Watching hundreds of blackbirds land in the yard across the street is a real scary deal. There are literally hundreds of them, they swarm and land, hang for a few minutes, then poof..they are gone.

I stopped by my favorite record store yesterday morning and got into a discussion with Tom and a couple of guys I have known from the record store through the years. I felt like we were the new version of the old guys who used to spend all day Saturday outside the old courthouse just spittin and chattin when I grew up in Ava. Or maybe the old guys who sit around the barbershop all day yapping about nothing important. Where else could you talk about the great chops of guitar player Paul Kossoff? Where else could you get three other guy who knew who Paul Kossoff was(he was Free's guitar player who died of an overdose in the mid 70s)? We did agree however, that Billy Squier was one of the hottest acts on the planet in 1981 with his LP "Don't Say No". That sucker was played every four hours on KY 102 for a year. with songs like "In The Dark" "Lonely Is The Night", "The Stroke" and others, he was a huge star. He killed his career with ONE video. This one...



I think most of the testosterone laden guys at that time looked at this video and said..."ick." Most of the women did, too. He never regained that same place again. I am not sure about his sexuality, but he was only one of two men who ever came on to me, movie director Allan Carr being the other.

Sunday night is coming. I dread Sunday night, no, I hate Sunday night and have spoken about this before. It has to be subliminal, deep rooted and highly complex on why Sunday night sucks so much for me. Separation anxiety? I don't know but there is something there.

Back By Popular Demand

Here are the best Calvin and Hobbes winter comics ever..I sure miss these guys.

Another Motivational Poster

Movies We'd Like To See (with apologies to Mad Magazine)

The Frozen Tundra

It's been cold as hell here. If that makes any sense. This is one of the windiest places I've ever been. It seems the wind blows all of the time. It was 17 degrees here today. But it's nothing like my bud Steve Konrad who lives in Minneapolis.



It seems there is a basketball game going on all of the time in the place where I play. It is literally a five minute walk from here. I went down there tonight at six thirty and bingo! I was in for the next three games. Only one guy about my age. The rest are truly young enough to be my kids. There is something about the zen of basketball to me. If I focus and concentrate on what I am supposed to do, I can make a decent play more often than not. If I kind find that groove, I can just relax and let the game come to me. It's amazing what a game of basketball with kids more than half your age will do for your focus and concentration. I had a very good game tonight, made more than I missed, didn't get hurt and didn't embarrass myself. Three games full blast! What a rush!
The weight on the digital scale on Monday night was 188.9. I'll weigh every Monday night and we'll see what I can do. 185 by January one would be nice.



Personal observations...I think Mike Greenberg at ESPN is one of the most talented guys on the air. He was on at 6am when I got up and right before I left for the gym, he was anchoring a newscast, Straight ahead broadcaster.

On the other hand, I can't stand Jay Bilas. I believe I have another post on him somewhere. He used the phrase ..."YA GOTTA BE A MAN!!!" tonight. Calm down dude. We all know you are a homer to the ACC and especially Duke. Sit down and shut up. Oh that stupid Greg Oden commercial for ESPN the magazine? Just stop, please.

Abbott Christopher Jamison

I was reading my favorite radio website the other day and the resident pundit who goes by the name of Sid Dithers was lamenting about the deteroration of society. He quoted Abbot Christopher Jamison's book "Finding Happiness". Father Christopher is one of my favorite people. I have stayed at Worth Abbey (just south of London) the past two times I have been there. He is a great guy to just hang and talk to and my family adores him. He has become quite the published author with "Finding Sanctuary" one of my favorite reads. I find it very funny that Father Christopher has created quite the kerfuffel with this. But, as always with him, he's so right. Here's Sid Dithers' commentary and it's quite spot on. My daughter loves him, Gladys feels the same way, and I dig the guy, too. And, since he has a google alert, he'll be directed to this page. Looking forward to seeing you this summer, Father.

Christopher Jamison, the Abbot of Worth in West Sussex, has accused Disney of "exploiting spirituality" to sell its products and of turning Disneyland into a modern day pilgrimage site... He argues that it pretends to provide stories with a moral message, but has actually helped to create a more materialistic culture...AT LAST, something in the modern world that we can ALL support the Catholics on... In a guide to helping people find happiness, the abbot, who starred in the hit-BBC series The Monastery, warns that society is in danger of losing its soul because of growing consumerism and the decline of religion... He suggests that many people have become obsessed with work, sex and eating in an attempt to ignore their underlying unhappiness, and criticises corporations and industries that have benefited from promoting false notions of fulfilment...And WHO does THAT (INTENTIONALLY thru CHILDREN!) more than the exploitive low-breds at Disney??? Jamison, who has been tipped as a contender to succeed Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor as the next Archbishop of Westminster, targets the behaviour of Disney in particular, which he says is "a classic example" of how consumerism is being sold as an alternative to finding happiness in traditional morality... While he acknowledges that Disney stories carry messages showing good triumphing over evil, he argues this is part of a ploy to persuade people that they should buy Disney products in order to be "a good and happy family"...BULLSEYE, Padre!!!...Although "BRAINWASH" is a more accurate description...Hell, their radio network is NOTHING but a gigantic commercial for all of their over-priced sh*t!!! He cites films such as "Sleeping Beauty" and "101 Dalmatians" that feature moral battles, but get into children's imaginations and make them greedy for the merchandise that goes with them...AND for recognizing the comparison between Karen Carroll to Cruella DeVille... "The message behind every movie and book, behind every theme park and T-shirt is that our children's world needs Disney," he says. "So they absolutely must go to see the next Disney movie, which we'll also want to give them on DVD as a birthday present. "They will be happier if they live the full Disney experience; and thousands of families around the world buy into this deeper message as they flock to Disneyland." He continues: "This is the new pilgrimage that children desire, a rite of passage into the meaning of life according to Disney. "Where once morality and meaning were available as part of our free cultural inheritance, now corporations sell them to us as products."...Yeah, THAT and how to be a snotty, little sh*thead to your parents... Jamison, who is one of Britain's most prominent Catholic clerics, claims that brands such as Disney market themselves to be about more than mere materialism to create an addiction to consumption... "This is basically the commercial exploitation of spirituality," he says, adding that as a result Disney and other corporations "inhabit our imagination"... "Once planted there they can make us endlessly greedy. And that is exactly what they are doing."...And THIS says NOTHING about how they try to "expand" the brand by pushing the envelope CONTINUALLY with edgier content... The Walt Disney Company, founded in 1923 by brothers Walt and Roy Disney, is one of the world's biggest entertainment companies... It owns 11 theme parks and several television networks, while its Hollywood studios have produced more than 200 feature films... Last week, the Archbishop of York, Dr John Sentamu, expressed similar concerns about the direction of society when he said that social cohesion has been eradicated due to "rampant consumerism and individualism"...WHEN is the LAST Disney thing that attempted to induce kids to do ANYTHING for their moms and dads, MUCH LESS anyone else???...Its ALL about promoting selfishness, and it DIRECTLY impacts the culture...It sure helps to explain the popularity of reality TV with the younger audience...THIS audience has been WEENED on watching rude behavior being passed off as 'acceptable'... Jamison's new book, "Finding Happiness", suggests that many of the answers can be found by people living more simply... The book, published this week, urges people to reject the superficial temptations offered by contemporary culture....Good luck with THAT, Padre...THAT motherf*cker will sell like magazine subscriptions... He criticises the obsession with celebrity, which he blames for creating jealousy and a society in which people are dissatisfied with their life... "Celebrity news magazines do no apparent external harm, but are a complete waste of interior time and space. "Envy tells us to stop facing the challenges of the present life and to live in some future fantasy... Such envy drives a large part of our consumer culture."... The fractured reality that philistines like Paris Hilton influence ANYONE tells us all we need to know about our moral deterioration...People need to learn to control their thoughts, and practice more self-discipline and self-control in their life, he says... He says there are "eight thoughts" which need to be controlled to help people to discover happiness. Six of them (anger, pride, gluttony, lust, greed, and spiritual apathy or sloth) are found among the list of deadly sins... To this he adds sadness and vanity... Or in other words, "all the fun stuff" that Disney shamelessly promotes...Maybe the Catholics can use THIS GREAT ISSUE to rebound!!!...Or AT LEAST get us some better cartoons!!!

News From China... what?

2,700-year-old marijuana found in Chinese tomb

Stash seems to have been intended for buried shaman to use in the afterlife
Nov 27, 2008 01:23 PM
OTTAWA – Researchers say they have located the world's oldest stash of marijuana, in a tomb in a remote part of China.
The cache of cannabis is about 2,700 years old and was clearly ``cultivated for psychoactive purposes," rather than as fibre for clothing or as food, says a research paper in the Journal of Experimental Botany.
The 789 grams of dried cannabis was buried alongside a light-haired, blue-eyed Caucasian man, likely a shaman of the Gushi culture, near Turpan in northwestern China.
The extremely dry conditions and alkaline soil acted as preservatives, allowing a team of scientists to carefully analyze the stash, which still looked green though it had lost its distinctive odour.
"To our knowledge, these investigations provide the oldest documentation of cannabis as a pharmacologically active agent," says the newly published paper, whose lead author was American neurologist Dr. Ethan B. Russo.
Remnants of cannabis have been found in ancient Egypt and other sites, and the substance has been referred to by authors such as the Greek historian Herodotus. But the tomb stash is the oldest so far that could be thoroughly tested for its properties.
The 18 researchers, most of them based in China, subjected the cannabis to a battery of tests, including carbon dating and genetic analysis. Scientists also tried to germinate 100 of the seeds found in the cache, without success.
The marijuana was found to have a relatively high content of THC, the main active ingredient in cannabis, but the sample was too old to determine a precise percentage.
Researchers also could not determine whether the cannabis was smoked or ingested, as there were no pipes or other clues in the tomb of the shaman, who was about 45 years old.
The large cache was contained in a leather basket and in a wooden bowl, and was likely meant to be used by the shaman in the afterlife.
"This materially is unequivocally cannabis, and no material has previously had this degree of analysis possible," Russo said in an interview from Missoula, Mont.
"It was common practice in burials to provide materials needed for the afterlife. No hemp or seeds were provided for fabric or food. Rather, cannabis as medicine or for visionary purposes was supplied."
The tomb also contained bridles, archery equipment and a harp, confirming the man's high social standing.
Russo is a full-time consultant with GW Pharmaceuticals, which makes Sativex, a cannabis-based medicine approved in Canada for pain linked to multiple sclerosis and cancer.
The company operates a cannabis-testing laboratory at a secret location in southern England to monitor crop quality for producing Sativex, and allowed Russo use of the facility for tests on 11 grams of the tomb cannabis.
Researchers needed about 10 months to cut red tape barring the transfer of the cannabis to England from China, Russo said.
The inter-disciplinary study was published this week by the British-based botany journal, which uses independent reviewers to ensure the accuracy and objectivity of all submitted papers.
The substance has been found in two of the 500 Gushi tombs excavated so far in northwestern China, indicating that cannabis was either restricted for use by a few individuals or was administered as a medicine to others through shamans, Russo said.
"It certainly does indicate that cannabis has been used by man for a variety of purposes for thousands of years."
Russo, who had a neurology practice for 20 years, has previously published studies examining the history of cannabis.
"I hope we can avoid some of the political liabilities of the issue," he said, referring to his latest paper.
The region of China where the tomb is located, Xinjiang, is considered an original source of many cannabis strains worldwide.

R I P Bill Drake

1937-2008
Radio legend BILL DRAKE has died from lung cancer at age 71 in LOS ANGELES.

DRAKE, born PHILIP YARBROUGH chose his last name from among his relatives' surnames, because it rhymed with "WAKE", the station in ATLANTA, where he worked as a programmer and disc-jockey in the late 1950s, writes WIKIPEDIA. Later, BARTELL BROADCASTING, who owned WAKE -- that he had programmed to number one, transferred him to KYA in SAN FRANCISCO, which also became number one. It was later at KYNO in FRESNO that he met GENE CHENAULT, who became his business partner. Together, the pair developed highly influential radio programming strategies and tactics, as well as working with future "Boss Jocks."

DRAKE-CHENAULT perfected the Top 40 radio format, which had been created by TODD STORZ, GORDON MCCLENDON and other radio programmers in the late 1950s, which took a set list of popular songs and repeated them all day long, ensuring the widest possible audience for the station's music. Jingles, news updates, traffic, and other features were designed to make Top 40 radio particularly attractive to car listeners. By early 1964, the era of the BRITISH Invasion, Top 40 radio had become the dominant radio format for NORTH AMERICAN listeners and quickly swept much of the WESTERN world.

DRAKE streamlined the Top 40 format, using modern methods, such as market research and ratings demographics, to maximize the number of listeners. He believed in forward momentum, limiting the amount of disc jockey chatter, the number of advertisements and playing only the top hits, as opposed to less-organized programming methods of the past. DRAKE created concepts such as 20/20 News and counter programming, by playing music sweeps, while his competitors aired news. DRAKE-CHENAULT controlled everything from the specific DJs that were hired, to radio contests, visual logos, promotions and commercial policy. DRAKE essentially put radio back into the hands of programming, instead of sales. DRAKE hired the JOHNNY MANN SINGERS to produce the BOSS RADIO jingles, ensuring a bright, high-energy sound that engaged the listener, while providing a bridge from song to song, as well as a smooth transition from songs to commercials.

Most of the great things about radio in your childhood was fashioned after Mr. Drake in some way. Dude had one the best, booming voices ever.

It's All About The Message...

In advertising, it's about reach, frequency and especially the message...I'm sure this is unforgettable if you are in LA.

It's Crazee!!

Brush With Greatness number 17

One of my favorite musicains and one of my favorite interviews. Mr. Wubba Gubba, none other than one of the hardest working guys in concert, Mr. Peter Wolf. I had a thousand questions and he answered all of them. Having been in radio for years, he "got it" and will go down as one of my favorite people ever. June 1996

Moving Day(s)... er Weeks

As we incorporate furniture left by the passing of Joanie, we are in a "if we haven't used it in five years, let's pitch it" mode. We are moving furniture from her apartment to our house, then loading our crap to the girls house and unloading her stuff at Goodwill. So, I have been tearing through crap in the house at an alarming rate. I have found stuff I haven't seen or used in years. The caracature at the right was drawn in 1995 by somebody somewhere. Just thought it was interesting as it has been locked in a drawer somewhere out of sight for all these years.

I played basketball yesterday before the Thanskgiving meal was consumed so I am heading back today and giving it another go. The scale said 193. That's unacceptable. I must find time in the upcoming months to get the weight down. I need to schedule the time to take care of it. If I can lose 3 pounds in December, 5 in January and 5 in February, that should help a great deal. By the middle of May, I should be back at fighting shape whatever that means.

While in the beginning phase of eliminating clutter at the hacienda, I still have not found my pictures of the trip to Abbey Road to meet Alan Parsons OR the pictures I have of Yoko and me. I cannot, for the life of me, understand where they have disappeared.

Too Drunk

That's Gonna Hurt

Hard to Believe

This is Kelly Pickler, she's an average country singer...at least she's got that going for her.

What's Your Body's MPG?

33.5 miles per gallon

Created by The Car Connection

I stole this from Jason Mac's radio station website. It's very cool. I get 33.5 mpg, how about you?

Merry Happy

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Reminiscing Part 2

When my life is said and done, this song will end up in my top 10 of all time. Residing at about number 7 or 8, for reasons unknown to even me, this one one of my all time faves...still gets me to this day. They were never better than this song.

Bailout, Shmailout

Damn. Everyone has a hand out. The big three want big cash. Where have you guys been for the last thirty years? The first spike in oil was in 1973. That's 35 years ago. Where were the visionaries from Detroit then? Why did you keep making cars that
a) sucked and
b) sucked
if the car makers would have thought ahead, there would have been no oil problem because we would be using far less. Lazy, sloppy, inefficient and now it's finally caught up with them. As a former shop steward, I hate to cast aspersions on my brethren, but I wish all would have gotten along through the years.
Every commercial I see for the F150 pickup with 16 miles per gallon, I wonder why. Where's the beef? The hybrids? Electrics? Hydrogen? Propane? Natural Gas? Solar? and wind? cars? My 2004 Mazda 3 with 130,000 miles on it still gets 36 mpg. It's one of the very few foriegn cars I have owned and I wouldn't trade it for anything. $10,000 and still rockin'. Hey Detroit, where ya been? Why haven't you been making cars that Americans need?

Just Reminiscing

It's not this video but about a week after his performance on Midnight Special (where he was presented a gold record for "Bad Bad Leroy Brown")he and Maury were killed in a plane crash. There is a previous post about where I was when I heard the news. I'll never forget it.

Lil OReilly (I Can't Get Enough)

26 Letters 12 Chords

Quite a surprise from one Dave Mason. Apparently, he's been working on this release for the past six years or so in between his massive road work schedule. "Good 2 You" sounds excatly like Clapton. That's not a bad thing, for sure, but just different for Dave. He has played with Clapton, and Hendrix and Harrison and...
"World of Hinger" could have been done by Justin Timberlake or Timbaland and is QUITE the departure. "You're Standing in My Light" is cool, funky Dave and "How Do I Get To Heaven" is circa 1972 Dave with Willie Nelson on guitar. "Full Circle and Then" along with the instrumental "El Toro" is classic Dave. "Pink Lipstick" features the line, ...."she's much too young, for I'm in trouble, she's a woman now" which is a bit creepy coming from a guy his age. But still, a song full of hooks. "Ain't Your Legs Tired Baby (Cause You Keep Runnin Through My Mind)" is a fun, funky, nice workout. "That's Love" is another new sounding, funk piece that my daughter would even like, very modern, hip feel. This one almost sounds like he's trying to emulate Santana's "Smooth".
I gotta hand it to the old guy, the first time I heard this I went...wha? Where's Dave? Dave is back but he doesn't sound like Dave. I can't say I don't like it, I really appreciate his balls for taking chances and trying something new.

C+ when I first heard it, now definately an A.

If I Was A Terrorist (A James Pence Video)

Do You Have Gaps In Your Knowledge?

My friend from Nashburg, Dr. Sardonicus (and his twelve dreams) came up with this cool brain power exercise.

Do You Have Gaps In Your Knowledge?

Do You Have Gaps in Your Knowledge?

There Are 0 Gaps in Your Knowledge

Where you have gaps in your knowledge:

No Gaps!

Where you don't have gaps in your knowledge:

Philosophy
Religion
Economics
Literature
History
Science
Art

Aint too bad for a farm boy, huh?

DoN't HAte mE

About the video: That song has been stuck in my head since last week, so you're welcome for sharing my torture with you. I'm passing it on to you because it's haunting me and will probably kill me in seven days. It's the Scanners movie all over again,

Down Time

I haven't blogged in a while. I am knee deep into a top secret project. It is taking a great deal of my time.

I made a presentation yesterday in Davenport and it went very well. While there, I saw my Aunt Jane again and she said no one has come to visit her since I saw her the last part of September. If that happens to me, shoot me so full of morphine that I'll be swimming in the stuff. Watch TV and eat. That's about all she does. Cryin shame.

It's budget time. I haven't done this in a while. Ought to be interesting to see what 2009 brings.

Can it be 2009? 1979 was thirty years ago? How can this be? Time marches on and slows for no one.

Here's a band you have never heard of. Fronted by Marty Balin in 1973, they released one (1) album and then disappeared. Very interesting, it sounds like a cross between Jefferson Starship and the Grateful Dead. Apparently, this was done during a drunken weekend and while Marty Balin was in between Starship stints. "Driftin" is a fine tune and the one I heard on late night radio. There are a couple more really interesting songs and done in a very laid back, relaxed atmosphere. Bodacious D. F. is the name of the one time one shot band.

How low will the stock market go and how much money will I lose in my holdings this year? I am a man of meager stature, thrifty and frugal. I do not have a car payment and I do not live beyond my means. Yet, lately, when I open my envelopes from Fidelity, The Hartford...etc, I lose money and a lot of it. That being said..where's MY bailout?

I have been a Dave Mason fan since 1970. A HUGE fan since about 1972. This new album of his sounds refreshed and Dave actually hungry to break new ground. There are songs on this release that sound nothing like him . There is one kinda weird song about him falling in love with a very young girl and there is one that sounds like Justin Timberlake could have recorded it. I am not sure whether that is a good thing or not. Dave sounds different and at this stage of his career, that may not be a bad thing. A FULL review will follow this weekend.

And That's How The Fight Got Started

1: When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas
station..... and that's how the fight started....

2: I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream
for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at
night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight
started.

3: After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later. The woman said,
'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt
revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver
hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I
excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social
Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten disability, too'. And
that's how the fight started.....

4: My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked,
'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I
hear she hasn't been sober since' 'My God!'
says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
And that's how the fight started.....

5: I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
believe it.... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car,
looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!!!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one
are you?' And that's how the fight started.....

6: I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip
steak, medium rare, please.' He said, 'Aren't
you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order
for herself.' And that's how the fight started.....

11/11/08

...we'll always be brothers in arms...."

You Want Change With That?

I'll have mine supersized, please.

Please Help!!

Please click on this link to donate.

Anything you can send would be great!!!

Beginning Radio

...and after all these years, it's pretty much the same.

Sunday! Sunday!

Here it is Sunday night and here is what I think (for anyone who cares).


I am still a huge fan of Kurt Warner. When the Rams play the Cardinals, I'm rooting for Kurt. Even when the Rams aren't playing the Cardinals, I am rooting for Kurt. There have a been a couple of posts I have made talking about how I think he is one of the best passers in the history of the game. He dissected the Rams today. I really am in awe of a guy like that who lives his life the right way and absolutely kicks ass on the football field.

The first batch of the seasonal chili expedition has been completed. Excellent vintage, not too hot. I'll wait to bring out the hot stuff later. Nice and seasoned, may be some of the best chili I have ever made.

My kids made budget last month. We are building great momentum for future plans in Bloomington. Can't say how much I enjoy my team. I have compared my sales staff to the 1990 Atlanta Braves. On that team were Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Greg Maddox and Steve Avery. They turned out to be very good but at that time, they hadn't pitched much yet. Bingo. My guys haven't pitched much yet but I expect them to win 10 divisional championships in a row.

The "Saved By Zero" ad campaign from Toyota is a zero. Loved The Fixx and thought they were one of the highlights of the eighties. The work they did on their own and with Tina Turner really impressed me. I have a past post on my favorite Fixx songs. This ad campaign is a dud.

We're getting ready to lauch a deep tracks channel on my classic rock FM's website. Should be up and running by January one. Let me know if you have any requests.

Saw the movie "W" last night. I wish I could get those two hours back. Nine trailers before the movie started. Nine. Wow. Liked the first 45 minutes or so of the movie, then...meh. I'd give it a "C" at best. There was literally nothing else to watch at the theatres. That sucks.

Longest Running Sitcom Ever

The Simpsons, TV's longest-running American sitcom, is on tap for at least three more seasons, The New York Post reports.

"The cast is signed for three more years, so I would now say it's about a 90 percent chance we'll come back for at least one of those three," Al Jean, the show's executive producer, said. "I actually think it's better than a 50 percent chance we'll do three more years of this at least."

Should the triple renewal follow through, that would put the animated series at 23 years old - raise your hand if you're younger than it! - which would give it sole bragging rights as the longest-running scripted series, of any genre, ever.

At the moment, The Simpsons is tied with 20-season-long Gunsmoke for the honor. You know they totally want to break the tie.

Are you excited to be staying in Springfield? And will The Simpsons ever end?

English is Dum

This guy is 102 and he nails it. Very funny.

Another Motivational Poster

Celebrate Good Times...Come on!

Now that's gotta hurt.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken, cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems. OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken 2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?